Free My Miserable Life by F. L. Block Page B

stinky.
    â€œGood job. Go inside,” my mom said.
    She backed into the house, and Angelina came out of the bathroom. “What stinks?” she said.
    â€œMonkeylad got squirted by a possum,” said my mom. “But Ben rescued him before anything worse happened. We need to give him a bath.”
    It turns out possums aren’t that dangerous, but they have fifty very, very sharp teeth, and when they are scared, they squirt a stinky smell at you. Not as bad as skunk stink, but still. So I guess my mom was right to be worried about Monkeylad and to want him to come inside. I helped her give him a bath, and that night Angelina didn’t even argue about letting him sleep with me.
    Â 
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    I am not stupid and ugly and bad at sports.
    Okay, did I write it enough times?

    Ben,
    Please rewrite this. I’d like you to tell me the things you are, such as smart, handsome, and athletic, as well as a very kind person. ☺

    Sincerely,
    Ms. Washington

 
    CHAPTER 16
    BEN HUNTER IS THE CATERPILLAR’S SPATS
    Today when I came to school, Ms. Washington announced, “We’re going to do a special project. Every day, one of you will get up in front of the class, and the rest of us will take turns writing on the board one thing about you that we admire.” I slid down in my chair . Awesome but embarrassment-inducing Ms. Washington , please don’t call on me.
    â€œBen,” Ms. Washington said.
    I didn’t move.
    â€œBen, please come to the front of the class.”
    I got up and walked slowly from my desk. I was pretty sure my face was red because of how hot it felt. The solar system planets hanging on strings from the ceiling spun around and made me dizzy.
    â€œElla Bean,” Ms. Washington said, “please begin.”
    Ella Bean walked up, took some chalk, and wrote BEN HUNTER IS WAY SMART . Then she sat down. I cringed, waiting for laughter. But no one laughed.
    Kennedee Jones wrote BEN HUNTER IS A FAST RUNNER .
    Aurora Richards wrote I LIKE BEN HUNTER ’ S EYES .
    Regina Mendez wrote BEN HUNTER IS CUTE . What? I didn’t know Regina Mendez thought that. It was nice, but I cringed again, and this time there were a few giggles. Then it was over and Ms. Washington called on Mercy Keating, who wrote BEN HUNTER’S MOM HAS AN INTERESTING JOB .
    Joe Knapp wrote BEN HUNTER IS MY FRIEND IN THIS CLASS, AND HE IS THE MAN .
    Leif Zuniga wrote BEN HUNTER IS A GOOD ATHLETE .
    Rocko Hoggen wrote BEN HUNTER IS A TEACHABLE SPELLER WHEN HE IS NOT INTIMADATED .
    This time everyone laughed, but I think they were laughing at Rocko’s spelling.

    The last person Ms. Washington called on was Serena Perl. She came up to the front of the class, turned, looked straight at me as if she was thinking about something, smiled, turned back, and wrote BEN HUNTER IS AWESOME . OH, AND I THINK HE LIKES DOGS ! Then she sat down.
    â€œThank you, class,” Ms. Washington said. “Everyone will get a turn. And a special thanks to the parent who helped come up with this exercise. She didn’t want her identity to be revealed, but maybe you can guess.” She looked at me and winked.
    Just then, my mom walked into the classroom.
    â€œOh, hi, Ms. Hunter,” Ms. Washington said.
    â€œI just wanted to stop by and see if I could help with anything. I brought some supplies from the Lurning Bush.” She held up a bag of fuzzy pencils and those Japanese erasers in the shapes of cars, food, and little animals. The kids in my class love those erasers, especially the girls. I wasn’t thrilled about the cute animal ones, but no one seemed to