Free Hiding In His Dreams by Jason W. Chan Page B

TV.
    “ Doing what?” He strolled
into their bedroom and set down his briefcase.
    “ Working too hard.” She
followed him into their bedroom.
    “ You’re doing it too,” he
shot back. “You even started a third job.”
    She looked at him blankly.
    He crossed his arms over his chest.
“Volunteering at that old folk’s place,” he offered.
    “ That’s different.” She put
her hands on her hips. “You were a workaholic before
the…the…the….”
    “ Miscarriage,” he said. “We
had a miscarriage. How can we deal with it if you can’t even say
the damn word?” His words came out harsher than he had expected,
impatient and caustic.
    “ Deal with it?” she said.
“How can you use those words to describe our little babies?” Her
eyes narrowed and her nostrils flared up.
    He sensed she was looking for a
showdown, and he was not going to give it to her. It could explode
in his face.
    “ Let’s just eat,” he said.
“I’m starving.”
    “ Fine,” she said.
    They went into the kitchen, and tried
to decide what to have for dinner.
    "I don't feel like cooking," Alyssa
said. "Let's order delivery."
    This struck Luke as odd. Alyssa had
always liked to cook at home.
    Half an hour later, fried chicken was
delivered straight to their door. They sat down at the dining
table.
    “ You want to go for a walk
after dinner?” Alyssa asked, opening the box of chicken. The
appetizing aroma of fried chicken floated through the air. “It’ll
be just like our after-dinner walk at Qualicum Beach.”
    Luke felt pieces of the old Alyssa
returning. It was in her face and her tone of voice. He looked out
his high-rise window. It was getting really dark.
    “ Nah,” he said. “I don’t
really feel like it.”
    Alyssa chewed on a pasta side dish,
then put her fork down. The silverware clattered onto the
table.
    He could something in her face. The
start of a confrontation was written all over it.
    "What are we doing?" she
asked.
    "We're having dinner,' he said, taking
a bite of his drumstick.
    "No, what are we doing?" She pointed to
herself quickly then to Luke. "I feel like we're going
nowhere."
    "What do you mean? You really want to
go for a walk? Fine, let’s go after dinner then."
    "We're not going anywhere. Everything‘s
feels weird."
    Luke was not listening though. He was
looking out the window, thinking about his projects at
work.
    “ Luke, I’m talking to you.
The least you could do is listen.” Her tone was angry, and had just
a hint of menace in it.
    Luke put down his drumstick and stared
at Alyssa, whose face was starting to redden. He was beginning to
understand that her belligerent attitude was more than just about a
walk. "It's fine. We just had a minor setback. You’re just dealing
with the aftermath of the miscarriage. We can try
again."
    “ And what about you? I don’t
see you grieving.”
    “ I am,” he said. “Just
inside.” He wondered whether she had bought his lie.
    Alyssa did not look convinced. Looking
at her twisted face, he realized what had really started this
argument.
    "I was going to ask you to marry me,"
Luke said. "But I thought that could wait until later."
    "Until later when?"
    He shrugged. "I don't know. Just later.
We were still dealing with the miscarriage."
    “ I had a feeling you didn’t
want to marry me. You only obliged because of the baby.”
    The accuracy of her statement bit him
like a fire ant. He even squirmed.
    The doubts he had about marriage and
starting a family flooded back into his mind, overwhelming it. They
must have somehow survived his flaying.
    “ I do,” he protested, but
even he could tell it sounded weak and insincere.
    Alyssa continued, "Can you honestly
look me in the face and tell me you want to marry me? It’s not just
because of the babies. I know you still have issues. Unresolved
issues."
    He looked her in the face and she
looked back at him expectedly. It was an old-fashioned western
stand-off. He knew this was going to blow up in his face.