Free The Crossing by Mandy Hager

she'd imagined it.
    She rose gingerly, relieved that Mother Michal had left her, and laid her meagre pile of belongings in the drawers. She picked up her Holy Book, letting it fall open at a random page, one of the Psalms, and whispered the words, trying to find comfort in them. “ The Lord hear thee in the day of trouble…Send thee help from the sanctuary, and— ”
    There was a gentle knock, the door slipped open and Rebekah rushed across the room. She collected Maryam up into her arms, her ripe belly pressing against Maryam's tender frame.
    â€œI cannot stay. But one day I promise, Sister Maryam, we will talk.” She noticed the Holy Book lying open on the bed. “It is good to see you use the Lord's words to comfort you.” She drew back, staring wide-eyed into Maryam's face. “Remember Rule Eight: As with the Lamb who went so willingly to slaughter, we must sacrifice up our lives in readiness and joy. ” She gave Maryam one final squeeze, then fled the room as quickly as she had entered.
    Maryam retreated to the bathroom, using most of the remaining water to wash away all signs of shame. She felt bruised inside, but the thing that hurt most was her heavy and unhappy heart. Whatever she had thought that she would find here, it was not so. Nothing made sense. Nothing was as it should be.
    She tried to sleep, to block the dark thoughts from her mind. But the night rolled on over her, and her mind would not still. It was so quiet: no sleeping breath of Ruth. No barking dog nor nagging goat. No constant whisper of the sea.
    When she could bear it no longer, sometime in the thick of night, she crept stiffly from her bed. She tracked the long corridors back to the atrium, careful not to be found out. The great space shone in the slivers of moonlight that fell inside, so beautiful and still, at odds with the turmoil inside her heart. Her hand trailing on the smooth silver handrail, she climbed the stairs and slipped outside.
    Oh, the sweet sweet smell of the sea rushed down into her lungs and soothed her as it lapped the ship's vast sides with its gentle song. The sky was clear; a million stars looked down on her from Heaven. She needed this; needed to remind herself of the Lord's magnificence and reach. He had a plan for all, mapped out as intricately as the stars that led the ancestors on their great voyage. She had to put aside her pain and fears andtrust that He would reward her service and bring her joy. She would believe in this— had to believe in this—otherwise all hope was lost.
    She leaned against the railing and closed her eyes, letting the night breeze brush over her. Perhaps Mother Michal was right, that silence now could still her mind. She would use the time for rest and prayer. She had believed—had trusted the Lord would eventually reward her faith. And now that He was testing her, was tempting her to lose that faith, she must stand firm.
    â€œWell, surprise, surprise.” The voice, mocking and low, nearly burst her from her skin. A figure stepped forward through the gloom, smoke issuing from his nose as he cast his tobacco tikareti over the side.
    Maryam made to run, but he stepped forward and clamped a cold hand around her arm. “What have we here?”
    She looked directly at him then, recognising the hard-eyed boy who'd helped Joseph back to his seat. She tried to shake his hand away, but he only held on tighter.
    â€œLazarus,” he introduced himself and, as she watched, his tongue emerged and swept a lazy circle round his lips. “Sister Maryam, I presume?”
    She dared not answer, mindful of Mother Michal's instruction. But she nodded, ducking her head to escape his stare. He laughed, tugging her so suddenly she stumbled up against his chest. His arm wrapped around her like a sea snake and, although she struggled, he merely smiled and held her tight. His body was hard and unforgiving, and he smelt of smoke. With his other hand he pinched