Free Boogers from Beyond #3 by M. D. Payne Page B

baby animals to old monsters is just not a hobby of mine.”
    â€œHave you had a chance to speak with the ghosts?” asked Director Z.
    â€œYeah, and we were able to chill them out, until the puppy and kitten showed up,” Shane said.
    â€œThat old ghost loves the animals for some reason,” I said. “Do you think he brought them?”
    â€œI’m not sure,” said Director Z, “but I don’t like them. They—”
    Director Z stopped and quickly pulled out a handkerchief.
    â€œDon’t like who?” asked Shane.
    Director Z paused with the handkerchief in front of his nose.
    â€œI think he means the puppies and kittens,” I said.
    â€œAAAAAAACHOOOOO!” Director Z sneezed. “Get them out of here, boys.”

    When she picked me up, my mother confirmed that she hadn’t sent any pets to the retirement home.
    â€œAlthough that does sound like a good idea,” she said. “I wish I had thought of it. I hear animals really help old people stuck in retirement homes feel happy.”
    I wondered for a moment if Grigore was lying about where the puppy and kitten came from, but didn’t think about it long. They’d have a new home soon.
    Luckily, my mom’s friend Barbara runs a rescue shelter. As we drove there, Shane and I tried to contain the animals as they raced around the inside of the car.
    â€œWHHHHAAAAAACHOOOO!” I sneezed.
    A huge wad of green snot broke into booger chunks on the windshield. It looked like a bird had eaten split pea soup and relieved itself on our car.
    My mother turned on the windshield wipers with an EWWWWW.
    â€œNo, Mom,” I said with a snort. “That’s on the inside.”
    â€œWELL, COVER YOUR NOSE NEXT TIME,” she screeched as my boogers dripped onto the dashboard.

Lunch Lady Liaisons
    Ben and I were sitting in Mr. Bradley’s social studies class when I
thought
I saw someone’s face in the door window, staring right at me.
    I couldn’t be sure. I was still suffering from the aftereffects of being trapped in the car with the cats and dogs the day before, and was feeling a little foggy. The good news—I couldn’t smell Mr. Bradley’s breath today.
    My nose dripped all over my Social Studies book. I was running out of tissues and I had given up trying to catch every bit of nose ooze.
    â€œLooks like you’ve flooded the Great Wall of China,” Ben said, pointing at the open chapter on Chinese culture. “I thought that was impossible.”
    â€œI can’t even think straight right now,” I said.
    The door to the classroom opened up, and Lunch Lady poked her head into the room.
    â€œMeester Bradley?” she said.
    â€œWhat do you want, Ms. Veracruz?” asked Mr. Bradley.
    â€œI want those two boys,” she said, pointing at Ben and me. “They have to answer for the chicken casserole all over my cash register.”
    Ben looked at me strangely, but we knew not to say anything.
    â€œWhy doesn’t the principal have a word with them?” Mr. Bradley asked, confused.
    â€œOh, that’s where I’m breengeeng them,” said Lunch Lady. “Right to thee principal.”
    â€œAll right,” said Mr. Bradley.
    Lunch Lady quickly pulled us out of the classroom and rushed us down the hall into the janitor’s closet.
    As she closed the door behind us, I said, “You can’t just pull us out of class like that.”
    â€œActually, you can pull us out of Mr. Bradley’s class any time,” said Ben. “His breath is the worst. Though the barf water in the janitor’s mop bucket comes in a close second.”
    â€œWhat if Bradley checks in with Principal Prouty?” I asked.
    â€œHe’s too lazy to check my story,” said Lunch Lady. “And this is
muy serio
.”
    â€œWhat if the janitor shows up for a mop?” I asked.
    â€œI gave heem some cheecken Parmesan to eat—hees