Free The Stowaway by Jade Archer

Devlynn in so much pain did terrible things to him—most of them centred in the vicinity of his heart.
    Walking around the ship aimlessly since talking with Rachel hadn’t solved any problems. In fact, he’d discovered a few more in his travels. But after really thinking about what she had said, and stopping to consider what his life would be like without Devlynn and Rachel in it, Arek knew he couldn’t let them go. And as soon as he’d admitted it, something had settled inside him. Something that begged him not to be fucking stupid and throw away what was being offered to him on a silverloom platter if only he was brave enough to go for it.
    “It’s okay, Rachel,” Arek whispered, getting their instant attention even though he’d done little more than mouth the words. “I’m sorry, Dev. So sorry. And you too, Rachel. I never meant to hurt either of you.”
    “Well you did, Arek,” Devlynn snapped at him—normally warm brown eyes, icy with fury.
    “I know. And I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for that.”
    “Arek—” Rachel sounded much more welcoming and receptive to hearing him out. But then he hadn’t been hurting her as long as he had Devlynn.
    Selfishly, he found himself wanting to go curl against her and believe that everything would be all right—just because he wanted it to be. But he wasn’t going to be that stupid. Not again.
    “I’ve had my head up my ass for so long I—”
    “Arek—”
    Arek held up a hand and Rachel fell back into silence. They deserved nothing less than the bare-boned truth from him right now. Hopefully it would be enough. “Please, hear me out.”
    After a few moments, both Rachel and Devlynn settled back, watching him—one hopefully, one warily. But now they were listening, he didn’t quite know what to say.
    “I just…I was afraid,” Arek mumbled, deciding to stick with complete honesty. Perhaps it was the only way to win Devlynn back. Perhaps it was what he should have done all along. If he had, there wouldn’t be the agonising pain in Devlynn’s expression right now. And maybe Rachel wouldn’t be looking as if she was hoping for the best, but fearing the worst.
    Arek took a deep breath and forged ahead as bravely as he knew how. “After Danni died, it was like…like everything was right there. In my face all at once. I realised I think of you as more than a friend, Dev. I can’t even imagine not having you around. I need you. I…I want you. And I have for a long time, but…well, like you said, I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to mess things up between us. And then…I was so afraid I’d lose you too. I couldn’t handle it. Danni’s death was devastating, but losing you would be…I can’t even think about it.”
    Devlynn looked sceptical, but it was true. Confronting Devlynn’s mortality, knowing he could be taken away at any time just like Danni, had been terrifying to the point of paralysing. So he’d shut himself off.
    “I’m sorry, Dev. I messed up. All the way along I’ve messed up. I couldn’t deal with my feelings for you before Danni died. But then when he was gone…I couldn’t bear what it would be like if I lost you. So…so I shut down. It was wrong, but… And then Rachel came along and…kind of woke me up. And for a while it was all so much worse—”
    He saw Rachel blanch and rushed to explain. “I don’t mean that I regret it. But I…I screwed up. I tried to crawl back to the nice, comfortable spot I’d carved out for myself where I didn’t have to think about it. But…in the end I couldn’t. And then—”
    Devlynn and Rachel continued to watch him as he brought his rambling to an end. He stood in the doorway to Devlynn’s quarters more naked and vulnerable than he had ever been in his life. And he didn’t know what to do next. How to make things right.
    Finally, Rachel very tentatively raised her hand towards him, palm up—a small, hesitant invitation to join them.
    Arek found