Free Monkey Business by Anna Wilson Page A

am I perhaps dreaming? My younger son who survives on a diet of Monster Pops, toast and chocolate is asking me for some FRUIT to EAT?’ Mum said,
talking to the wall in an over-the-top outraged and surprised kind of way.
    ‘Yeah, well, I do love bananas you know that.’
    ‘That’s true,’ Mum said, nodding. ‘How could I forget the famous banana-tree incident?’
    Felix blushed a bit. Then he crossed his fingers behind his back for the second time that day and ploughed on, ‘And it’s kind of part of my PSHE homework about, er, healthy
eating,’ he said. ‘We have to eat some fruit, and then write down what it tasted like and, er, stuff like that,’ he ended lamely.
    ‘I thought you said your homework was to do with apes and their habitat?’ Mum asked suspiciously.
    ‘Oh, yes, that too,’ Felix said. Rats, this was getting complicated. ‘The PSHE homework is a week-long project where we have to write down all kinds of things about healthy
food,’ he said rashly. Uh-oh. This would mean healthy meals for a whole week now.
    ‘OK,’ said Mum. ‘Take a look in the fruit bowl – we have some bananas and apples and a few oranges.’
    ‘Great!’ Felix rushed to the fruit bowl and helped himself to three bananas and two oranges.
    ‘Hey!’ Mum exclaimed. ‘I’m cooking tea – don’t ruin your appetite.’
    Felix was already halfway up the stairs with the fruit in his hands. ‘It’s OK! I’m so hungry – I’ll eat tea too.’
    ‘And don’t eat in your room! You’ll only leave the skins lying around . . .’
    The phone rang again, which meant Mum was distracted. Felix bolted up to his room and rummaged around under his bed until he found an old shoebox. It had once contained, amongst other things, a
spider’s nest, which Felix had been closely observing over the winter months. Unfortunately he had forgotten to observe it one week and in that time, the eggs had hatched and the spiders had
ended up all over his room. Some had even got inside his pants and socks and stuff. It had been a bit tickly.
    He put the bananas and the oranges in the box and stashed it back under his bed. I can add to this every day, he thought happily, and then by the time Reggie gets here there’ll be loads of
food for him to eat.

11
THE TRUTH
ABOUT ADOPTION
    Mum was unusually cheery when Felix came back downstairs. She was beaming all over her face and even occasionally chuckling to herself as if she’d just heard a
fantastically funny joke on the radio. She often chuckled at the radio, although Felix could never understand what it was that she found so amusing. Most of the radio programmes she listened to
were decidedly un-funny in his opinion.
    It turned out it wasn’t the radio, though, that had made her laugh.
    ‘I have just had the most
hilarious
conversation with Flora’s mum!’ she announced.
    Felix felt all the blood drain from his face and an icy-cold hand grasped his insides. He did not like the sound of this ‘hilarious conversation’. Mum and Mrs Small weren’t
even friends. They only ever rang each other to talk about the school run or whether or not it was a school trip or a spelling test that day.
    Was Mum playing a trick on him? He shot her a very nervous glance. Or – much worse – had Flo Given the Game Away about Reggie?
    He swallowed dryly before answering, ‘Oh?’
    ‘Yes! You wouldn’t believe it, but Flora thinks you are getting an orang-utan for your birthday – as a
pet
to come and
live
with you
here
!’ she
guffawed.
    Felix’s icy innards did a double back-flip. What was Flo
thinking
of?
    ‘Yes,’ continued Mum cheerfully, ‘apparently you were worried you didn’t have enough food for it, so she’s going to be getting all the Brussels sprouts from her
dad’s allotment that (and I’m quoting Flora here) “no one in their right mind ever wants to eat”.’
    Felix felt intensely sick. He had been betrayed! He realized now that he had not thought about the details of