Free Last Exit to Brooklyn - Hubert Selby Jr by Hubert Selby Jr.

presence and the final words
still whirled with the light and stayed in the ear as the sea in a
shell and Georgette sat on a wondrous throne in a wondrous land where
people loved and kissed and sat silent together, holding hands and
walking through magic nights and Goldie got up and kissed the Queen
and told her it was beautiful, simply beautiful and the guys mumbled
and smiled and Vinnie struggled with the softness he felt, trying
honestly, for a second, to understand it, then let is slide and
slapped Georgette on her thigh, gently, as one does a friend, and
smiled, at her—Georgette almost crying seeing the flash of
tenderness in his eyes—he smiled and groped for words, battling
with his boundaries then saying, Hey, that was alright Geòrgie boy,
then the knowledge of his friends being there, especially Harry,
forced its way through the bennie and the mood and he sat back
quickly, took a drink and grubbed a smoke from Harry.
    The light forced itself through the many holes in the
shades . . . the candles slowly becoming anonymous. Goldie opened the
box of bennie slowly and proffered it to Georgette. She took two,
just two thank you, smiled and laid them on her tongue and sipped her
gin. They spoke quietly, smiling, sipping their drinks, at peace with
all and Georgette leaned back in her chair speaking softly with
Vinnie, and the others when addressed, all her movements: smoking,
drinking, nodding, soft and regal; feeling extremely human; looking
upon her world (kingdom) with kindness, softness; waiting, excitedly
yet not nervously, for the time, soon, for her to nod to her lover .
. . but the sun continued to rise and the room became brighter and
the girls became conscious of the perspiration streaks in their
makeup, hoping the boys would not notice it before they got upstairs
and had a chance to fix their faces. Goldie kept glancing at her
watch and listening to hear Sheila and her john leaving, wanting to
get out of this ugly room and upstairs with the boys before the light
brought them down and they lost what Georgette had given them; afraid
if a bennie depression set in that the boys would simply become rough
and not trade. She watched the room becoming brighter, too bright,
and listened, listened . . .
    then she heard some (one) rushing through the hallway
and Tony opened the door—Goldies heart was pounding and she tried
to ignore Tony and listen for steps (four) on the stairs—and
started apologizing, looking hopefully at Goldie, before the door
closed and Goldie finally turned to her and told her to shut up. Tony
obeyed immediately (she had dropped her sister off at the hospital
and stayed in the cab and came right back, wanting to get back before
Goldie left; hoping to be invited to join them; she didnt want to sit
alone in that evil apartment and she wanted so much to be a friend of
Goldies, to get high with them and have other girls to talk with) she
obeyed immediately and stopped in the middle of a syllable and looked
around the room but they all ignored her—Goldie jumped up and went
to the door, listened then opened it slightly—so Tony walked across
the room (between them . . . between them. Theyre watching me. I know
they are. It wasnt my fault) and sat—Goldie turned and said they
left. Rosie, gather our things. They left. Tony sat, then got up and
walked around the room (not even a bennie . . . not one); went to the
kitchen, poured a cup of coffee (maybe I should have stayed with her.
Might just as well have) and walked back to her chair.
    Goldie ran to the bathroom to fix her face. Georgette
picked up the half filled bottle of Scotch that the john had left and
poured Vinnie a drink, on the rocks, then turned on the radio. She
could see that Vinnie and the boys were getting higher and higher and
by the time the Scotch would be finished ( and there was still gin
and a fresh supply of bennie forthcoming) they would be searching for
the floor when they walked. O what a wonderful day. (She went to