Free There's a Shark in My Hockey Pool by Dave Belisle

you die -- believe it or not -- even I will feel
sorry for you."
    "Okay, Teach," said Derek. "Try this one on
for size. Passion is a sixty-minute hockey game, no holds barred.
Political correctness is playing the national anthem before the
game, playing by the rules, no yelling at the ref ... and the guy
on the bench closest to the gate makes sure it's closed so no one
gets killed. A game-winning goal? Now that's passion. If however,
the game ends in a tie, political correctness has won because it's
just a sister-kisser."
    "Nice try, Ken Dryden," said Dennis.
"Alright, then. We know that passion can take a back seat to
political correctness. How soon?"
    "Well," Donnie began. "We know that if Dino
goes to put the moves on that blonde he's been oglin', he won't
make it to first base before she puts up the P.C. road block."
    "Sez who," challenged Dino.
    "Easy, Dino," said Dennis, reaching out to
calm him down. "It's just an analogy."
    "No, I wuz --" Donnie began, but a stern look
from Dennis quieted him.
    "Given that the world's population is pretty
damn close to a 50-50 male-female split," said Derek, "we agree
that it's politically correct for them to have a relationship."
    "I'd say that her P.C. rule book says she has
to give him one line of repartee," said Derek. "That's why she's
here, right?" The others nod matter-of-factly.
    "Now first impressions are tough," Derek
continued. "This is human compassion cut to the quick. We're
assuming here of course, that she will feel sorry for him. Dino's
walking the tight rope, standing precariously with that oh-so
important politically correct first line. One false slip of the
tongue and human compassion -- and Dino -- fall off the wire. Be
careful, Dino. We're going without the net today."
    Donnie slammed a five-dollar bill onto the
bar in front of Dino. "Blondes aren't your lucky color, bro. My
money's on Dino taking a dive."
    "We'll show you who can walk the P.C. walk
and talk the P.C talk," said Dino. He jumped to his feet.
    "Phone number, Dino," said Donnie, clarifying
the rules. "And remember ... we'll be watching you -- in case you
try and grab one off the wall in the john."
    Dino steadied himself. He paused for effect
... then walked nonchalantly, fairly sauntering over to the
unsuspecting blonde at the table across the bar.
    From across the room, Derek, Dennis and
Donnie watched Dino wage war between political correctness and
passion on the curvy plains -- and intellect -- of the
innocent-looking, flaxen-haired, 32-year-old woman.
    Dino settled into a chair beside the woman
and to Dennis and Derek's surprise, and Donnie's chagrin, was
allowed to remain in it. Seconds became minutes, before Dino
finally bid adieu and returned to their table, with almost a skip
in his step. He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a
crumpled piece of paper. He whipped it onto the table and scooped
up the five-dollar bill in the process.
    "Lucky bastard," said Donnie.
    "What happened?" asked Dennis.
    "I figured I'd fight fire with fire," said
Dino.
    "How so?"
    "We talked politics."
     
    ... 3 ...
     
    Two hours later at Chez Sam's Sports Bar,
Marcotte continued celebrating his good fortune the past two days
at the draft table. But now the surroundings reflecting off the
Mulesin Dry in front of him were slightly more appealing than the
finger food fare found at Mac's. Here were more exotic entrees ...
like the football player-sized, appetite-of-the-'90s answer to the
Surf & Turf: the Grid & Squid. The sports memorabilia that
adorned the walls of Chez Sam's was also from a higher playing
field. The cast from Bobby Baun's broken ankle was in a glass
display case. A framed Frank Mahovlich sweater took up an entire
wall. In a strange Darwinian display, there were the helmets of
Dave Dunn, Paul Henderson and Borje Salming. Numerous TV monitors
and a pair of large video projection screens kept tugging at
Derek's attention. For the moment, his eyes fixated on the person
across from him,