Free Spiralling Out of the Shadow (The Spiralling Trilogy) by Michelle Dennis Evans

glazed-over-distracted, uninterested. But I continued, trying to keep my mind off her relationship with Jason.              
     
    *~*~*~*
     
    I did as I was told and kept my foot up and my head planted in school books until my hands were sore from writing and typing mid-semester assessments. I didn’t have time to check up on Stephanie. She hadn’t called. Probably too focused on Jason. My focus right now was school. I looked forward to youth group. Danny and all the other good-looking boys could tempt other girl’s eyes while I wore blinkers.
    When I got the guilts and rang Stephanie a week later, all she could talk about was Jason this—Jason that. She told me she was keeping things cool, but it seemed pretty obvious their relationship was hot and steamy. With a crutch in one hand and the phone in the other, I paced backwards and forwards along the walkway into the kitchen. The kettle whistled. I said goodbye and banged the crutches into the floor as I moved to the kitchen. I poured the boiling water into my teacup too fast, splashing the bench and steaming my hand.
    ‘ Argh!’ I flipped on the cold water tap to cool the burn. It was minor. Only pink. But when I pulled it out of the water stream it stung again.
    I wanted to talk to Mum to tell her about all the crazy decisions my best friend was making. But I couldn’t invade Stephanie’s privacy and break the best friend code. She wasn’t the only one making crazy decisions. So I prayed and kept her confidences.
     
    *~*~*~*
     
    I hobbled around, balancing on crutches, trying to carry my bag, trying to do everything with aching armpits. Stupid crutches. Dumb ankle. Dumb dance. It was never my thing. Why was I even dancing lead? Was I trying to be like Stephanie?
    No way!
    Oh boy, I hated self-realisation.
    I thought I was dancing because I wanted to hang out with my ridiculously beautiful and definitely not perfect best friend. But now it smacked me between the eyeballs. I was actually trying to be her.
    How could I ? How could I have spent years trying to be just like my best friend?
    Study and crutches made the rest of the term torture. I needed to burn off some frustrated energy.  Mum agreed to drop me at the aquatic centre. It was so close I could have walked, if I wasn’t on crutches.
    Leaving my crutches to the side, I hopped to the ladder and climbed in. While I pulled my arms through the water and let my legs float along, my ankle didn’t hurt.
    This, in the water, was f reedom. I could be me. No Stephanie, no Suzie, no Janet, no Joey and no Danny. After three sets of ten laps, the thump of my heart echoed in my ears. I clutched the pool edge and caught my breath. When I reached the ladder, Mum was holding my towel.
    ‘ Thanks, I really needed that swim.’
     
    *~*~*~*
     
    Apart from a couple of assignments lurking, the school holidays brought a blissful change of pace.  I handed my crutches back in and walked with a slight limp. The doctor urged me to keep off my left foot as much as possible for another week. As soon as it healed, I’d be expected to return to dance classes.
    ‘ Mum, I really don’t want to keep dancing. I know you’ve paid for the year but—’
    ‘ That’s a shame, love. But if that’s what —’
    ‘ Are you annoyed with me?’
    ‘ You said a while back you weren’t enjoying it. I’d rather you be honest with me. Maybe that’s why you twisted your ankle.’
    ‘No, I just made a mistake.’ I flexed my foot to stretch.
    ‘ But you were doing something you weren’t enjoying.’
    I nodded. ‘I was enjoying that dance though. I think I just got overconfident.’
    ‘ You can stop if you like. We won’t force you to finish the year.’ 
    ‘ Really?’
    She nodded.
    ‘Thanks, Mum.’
    She was such a treasure. I had great parents —which made me think of Stephanie. Hers weren’t as caring. I must ring her.
    ‘ Hi, Steph, how are you going?’
    ‘I’m dreading my report card.’
    ‘Not going