Free Calamity Jayne and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Lawn Gnome by Kathleen Bacus Page A

here," I said. "I've got a blockbuster story to write."
    "Don't forget about the reunion this Sunday, Tressa!" Gram said. "And don't come empty-handed this year!" she added.
    "Oh, I won't," I said. "I'm bringing something extra special this year."
    "What's that?" Gram asked.
    "Deviled eggs," I said and hoofed it to the door before my gammy could catch me.
    And, yeah. You guessed it. The devil made me do it.
    Get it? Deviled eggs. Devil.
    Oh, fuggetaboutit.

CHAPTER TEN
     
    "Let me get this straight. You want me to get a positive ID of a lawn gnome from the Colbys."
    I nodded. "And show it to the Keefers while you're at it. It might jog a memory loose."
    "I don't know if it will jog any memories loose, but it'll likely set off a gag reflex or two," Shelby said, grimacing at the scanned image I'd printed for her. "Why exactly are we doing this again?"
    Great question. Now how to respond? Why was I pursuing this line of inquiry as the Brit crime shows put it?
    "Well, you see, that little beaut disappeared from Abigail Winegardner's yard, and she seems to be operating under the misapprehension that her new neighbor—my dear, sweet gammy—purloined the little fellow."
    "Oh. And did she?"
    I shook my head.
    "I doubt it. Too much effort. Cedric weighs a ton."
    "Cedric?"
    I nodded. "That's right. Apparently Cedric is very valuable."
    We both did one-man's-trash-another-man's-treasure shrugs.
    "I'd like to locate the gnome. You know—prove Gram didn't take it, and restore peace and civility to that neighborhood." I scratched my head. "What's weird is that I could've sworn I saw a similar figurine next to Harve Dawson's mailbox last night," I told Shelby. "But this morning when I was there, there was no sign of it, and Harvey swore he didn't know anything about it."
    "Had you been drinking at the time?" Shelby asked. "I've heard of people seeing pink elephants but never lawn gnomes that only Stephen King could love."
    "I was perfectly sober, thank you very much. Oh, and while you're out and about, drop by Dawson's and find out what kind of damage he had and get some pictures."
    " Oo kay. So while I'm out soliciting gnome sightings and leading people to question my sanity, what are you going to be doing?" Shelby asked.
    The door to the alley slammed shut. Our fearless leader had returned. Make that spineless leader.
    "I'm going to have a little story development meeting with Mr. Rodgers," I told her. "And trust me. It's not gonna be a beautiful day in his neighborhood."
    Stan had poured himself a cup of coffee and planted his rear in the chair when I pounded on his door.
    "Who are you, and what have you done with my boss?" I yelled.
    Stan jumped in his seat, coffee dribbling over the sides of the cup and onto the front of his shirt.
    "Christ, Turner! What's the idea? Can't you see I'm busy?" He shuffled papers around on his desk.
    "Busy taking a scalpel to perfectly good reporting?" I countered. "You did a Dexter on my article, man!"
    Stan frowned.
    "Dexter? Who's Dexter?"
    "You eviscerated my article, Stan! Ripped it to pieces. Sliced and diced it!"
    "Huh?"
    "You cut out all the good stuff!"
    Stan sighed.
    "This is about the vandalism item then?"
    "Ding, ding, ding! Give the alien life form a one-way trip to Ceres."
    "Now listen, Turner, I know you're not happy with the editorial changes I made—"
    "Editorial changes? Try extraction with maniacal precision! Snip! Snip! Snip!" I said, making a rock-paper-scissors scissors with my fingers.
    Stan's Adam's apple bobbed up and down.
    "Listen Turner, law enforcement requested we hold off on releasing certain information—"
    "Don't you mean 'facts,' Stan? And have you forgotten the last time you took the county's advice on a story?" I asked. "Let's just say the term bum steer comes to mind."
    "I don't see what the big deal is, Turner. They wanted us to give them some time, and I figure folks are smart enough to come to their own conclusions on whether the same people were responsible and