Free A Witch In Time: Magic and Mayhem Book Three by Robyn Peterman

star. I hear you sing in the shower. It cracked the glass on the fubashianass mirror.”
     
    “Okay, wait. Stop. What the hell does fubashianass mean?” I asked, blindly ignoring the fact that my appalling singing had cracked a mirror.
     
    “He don’t know,” Jango snorted. “He makes up shit and tries to see what catches on. One place we was in, all the kids picked up on crapbasketasser. Them teenagers painted it on walls all over town.”
     
    “How’d that go over?” I asked, wondering if they’d been dropped on their heads as kittens.
     
    “Got run out of that municipality with pitchforks,” Fat Bastard informed me proudly.
     
    The other two gave each other high fives and laughed like loons.
     
    They’d definitely been dropped…
     
    “Alrighty then, you brainiacs have to leave. Mac’s coming over for lunch.”
     
    “No worries, Sweet Cheeks. We’re gonna take some yogi with your dad,” Jango said as he stretched and waddled toward the front door.
     
    “Yoga, jackass,” Boba corrected him as he dragged his fat carcass after him.
     
    “No you’re not,” I said with narrowed eyes and my hands on my hips. They were lying sacks of shit.
     
    “We most certainly are. I hear there’s some lesbians there,” Fat Bastard grunted as he got to his feet with a tremendous amount of difficulty due to his girth.
     
    I closed my eyes and counted to ten. It wouldn’t do any good to chastise or zap the politically incorrect dork. He was headed for an experience with pitchforks again and there was very little I could do about it.
     
    “Have fun, make sure you cheat and bring home a few cheesecakes when you’re done gambling in the back room at the Assjacket Diner,” I said as I pushed them out of the door.
     
    “Will do,” Boba said with a salute.
     
    “Shit, she busted us,” Fat Bastard complained with a laugh.
     
    “Told you she was smarter than she looks,” Jango grumbled and swatted at his cohorts.
     
    I shut the door with a little blast of magic, making sure it hit all three of them squarely in the butt. I’ll show them I’m smarter than I look…
     
    ***
     
    “Did you cook?” Mac asked with wide eyes and a horrified expression. He tried to mask his shock… unsuccessfully.
     
    “I did,” I lied through an innocent smile as I watched him squirm.
     
    It was common knowledge that I was a terrible cook. Even the cats passed on my culinary attempts and they’d eat anything. Fabio had gamely tried to eat a meatloaf I’d created, but when he turned a scary shade of green I made him stop.
     
    “Wow,” he choked out. “That’s just um… fantastic.”
     
    I let Mac freak out for two more minutes while I took the casserole out of the oven. This was fun. However, when I noticed him starting to sweat and glance at the door, I assuaged his fear.
     
    “Of course I didn’t cook,” I told him with a huge grin as he heaved a somewhat insultingly audible sigh of relief. “I can’t even eat my cooking. DeeDee dropped off a casserole this morning because she knew you were coming to lunch. I think she was afraid I’d accidentally poison the King of the Shifters.”
     
    “But then you’d have to heal me,” Mac replied in a sexy low tone that made my knees knock. “Maybe a little mouth to mouth resuscitation.”
     
    “Hmmm, interesting. I could work with that. Maybe we could pretend I poisoned you. You fall down on the floor and writhe and moan and I strip you and heal you by riding you till you’re blind.”
     
    Mac choked on his lemonade and grabbed onto the table for balance. He closed his eyes and started talking to the ceiling.
     
    “What are you doing?” I asked as I piled the yummy smelling casserole onto two plates and added some crusty homemade bread DeeDee had thoughtfully provided.
     
    “Praying to the Goddess for strength,” he muttered as he sat down in the chair at the opposite end of the long table from me.
     
    “How’s it working?”
     
    “If you