Free An Unbroken Heart by Kathleen Fuller

rise and fall of his chest, smell the leather and hay on his clothes.
    â€œI should have done this a long time ago,” he said in a low voice.
    Ya, you should have . The bitter words came unbidden, but they were the truth. She
also should have felt safe in his embrace. Loved, because he had finally given her
what she wanted—commitment and a moment of physical touch. And she did feel some
security, but she couldn’t completely shake her misgivings. He wouldn’t be holding
me if he didn’t feel sorry for me.
    He pulled back a bit, his hands still resting on her waist, his smile sweet and gentle.
His gaze landed on her scar. He leaned forward, hesitated, then planted a quick
kiss on her opposite cheek.
    A fresh lump appeared in her throat. He couldn’t even acknowledge that her face was
forever ruined.
    â€œI almost lost you,” he said. “That made me realize I can’t live without you.” He
took in a deep breath. “Joanna, my proposal stands. I still want to get married.
I need to know if you do too.”
    Why was he acting like everything was normal? That she hadn’t changed? That he wasn’t
different too? I need to tell him no . . . that I’m not ready . . . that we’re not
ready. Can’t he see how wrong this is?
    But if she said no she would lose him forever.
    Naturally he’d be hurt at first. But it wouldn’t be long before he realized the real
reason for his hasty proposal and that it didn’t have to do with love. He might even
thank her for knocking some reality into him.
    Would any of that matter if she was alone? If she lost him forever? Could she stand
by and watch him get married to someone else? Because if anyone deserved a happy
marriage, a whole wife, it was Andrew.
    In the end her selfishness won the mental battle. “Ya,” she said, barely hearing
herself say the word. She had to force herself not to rub her nose. Andrew was familiar
with her annoying tic that never failed to reveal her true feelings. “I . . . I still
want to get married.”
    He gave her the biggest grin she’d ever seen. Then before she could take another
breath, he picked her up and whirled her around. And for that one brief moment she
felt sheer freedom at being spun around in his strong arms. She squeezed his biceps
as he set her down gently, his eyes growing wide.
    â€œI’m sorry,” he said, his brow creasing with concern. “I wasn’t thinking.” He peered
at her intently. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
    She shook her head. He hadn’t hurt her, only surprised her with another whimsical
move, one that before the accident would have thrilled her.
    â€œGut.” Then he looked down at his feet. Within seconds the awkwardness that had dogged
them from the moment they started dating returned. Finally he lifted his head and
gave her a shy smile. “ Danki , Joanna. You’ve made me a happy mann .”
    Had she? Or had she assuaged his guilt?
    â€œHow does two weeks from Tuesday sound for the wedding?”
    Her legs started to shake. “That soon?”
    â€œI don’t think we should wait.” He paused, a flash of fierce intensity appearing
in
his
eyes, only to disappear just as quickly. “Bishop Yoder can announce it next
Sunday
at
church.”
    She nodded, although it felt like her lungs were collapsing in her chest. But what
else could she do? She was committed now, and she wouldn’t go back on her word. I
can’t disappoint him.
    â€œI’ll build an addition on mei haus .” He said the words as if he’d just thought of
them. “It will be small, but we can add to it later. Irene and Mamm won’t mind. I’m
sure they’ll both be happy about the wedding.” He stepped away from her. “Do you
want to tell them together?”
    She made herself focus on him instead of the anxiety building in her chest. Everything
was moving so fast. “All