Free Constellations by Nick Payne

 
    Â 
    Marianne    Do you know why it’s impossible to lick the tips of your elbows? They hold the secret to immortality, so if you could lick them, there’s a chance you’d be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, then there’d be chaos. Because you can’t just go on living and living and living.
    Roland    I’m. I’m in a relationship. So. Yeah.
    *   *   *
    Marianne    Do you know why it’s impossible to lick the tips of your elbows? They hold the secret to immortality, so if you could lick them, there’s a chance you’d be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, then there’d be chaos. Because you can’t just go on living and living and living.
    Roland    I’ve. I’ve just come out of a really serious relationship. So. Yeah.
    Marianne    I was just making conversation.
    Roland    Sure.
    Marianne    Just trying to start a conversation.
    Roland    No, sure. But. Still.
    *   *   *
    Marianne    Do you know why it’s impossible to lick the tips of your elbows? They hold the secret to immortality, so if you could lick them, there’s a chance you’d be able to live forever. But if everyone did it, if everyone could actually lick the tips of their elbows, then there’d be chaos. Because you can’t just go on living and living and living.
    Roland    Oh right.
    Marianne    Try it.
    Roland    What’s that?
    Marianne    Your elbows, try licking them.
    Roland    I’m all right.
    Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty.
    Marianne    I’m Marianne.
    Roland    Roland.
    Marianne    Thank God the rain’s held off.
    Roland    Yeah.
    Marianne    Nothing worse than a soggy barbecue.
    Roland    Yeah.
    Marianne    Soggy sausages. Would you like a drink?
    Roland    I’m all right. My wife’s actually just gone to get me a beer.
    *   *   *
    Marianne    Try it.
    Roland    What’s that?
    Marianne    Your elbows, try licking them.
    Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty. Roland, initially hesitant, also attempts to lick his elbows.
    Roland    See what you mean. I’m Roland.
    Marianne    Marianne.
    Roland    Shame about the rain.
    Marianne    Nothing worse than a soggy barbecue.
    Roland    So are you, are you a friend of Jane’s or –
    Marianne    No, Jane, yeah. We were at college together.
    Roland    Right.
    Marianne    Yourself?
    Roland    My wife used to work with Jane.
    *   *   *
    Marianne    Your elbows, try licking them.
    Marianne attempts to lick her elbows, demonstrating the difficulty. Roland, initially hesitant, also attempts to lick his elbows.
    Roland    See what you mean. I’m Roland.
    Marianne    Marianne.
    Roland    Shame about the rain.
    Marianne    Nothing worse than a soggy barbecue.
    Roland    So are you, are you a friend of Jane’s or…?
    Marianne    Who’s Jane?
    Roland    Jane’s the – She’s the lady having the barbecue?
    Marianne    Oh, right, Christ, no. I was just walking past and I saw a load of free booze and sausages. I’m joking.
    Roland    Right.
    Marianne    Jane and I were at college together. How about you?
    Roland    I play football with Tom.
    Marianne    Tom?
    Roland    Jane’s brother-in-law. Bluey-green T-shirt.
    Marianne    Yes.
    Roland    D’you want a