Free Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 06 by Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers Page A

whilst Vati and UncleEddie twiddled with their knobs.
    I hugged Jazzy. And amazingly she hugged me back.
    I said, “Jas, I am sooo excited, aren’t you?”
    She said, “Ooh look, there is a little TV on the back of the seat!”
    As the Thunderbird-a-gogo or whatever it was took off at one mile an hour, driven by Dad, I said to Jas, “I can almost smell Masimo.”
    She said, “Oo-er.”
    And then we both fell about laughing. I think I have got hysterical jet lag. Dad and Uncle Eddie were singing “I Left My Heart in San Franciso” and have already started yelling “howdy” out of the window at anyone we pass.
    It’s only a matter of time before they are taken to jail. So things are looking up.
    6:30 p.m. timewise
    I think someone forgot to mention something to me. It’s HUGE here! The buildings, the signs, the shorts. Everything is HUGE here. And bloody hot.
    I’d ask Dad to turn on the air-conditioning if I didn’t know what a waste of time that was. He’salready opened the sun roof ten times when he was trying to change gears.
    And more to the point, there ISN’T a gear stick, this is an automatic car.
    6:45 p.m.
    Fifty million years of swaying about in the back of a vee-hick-el driven by someone who doesn’t know what side of the road is the right one (and that’s when we are in England). It was only when we passed the same group of people for the fifth time and they started waving and cheering that Dad let Uncle Eddie drive.
    hotel
7:15 p.m.
    This is more like it. A huge driveway lined with hibiscus and palm trees and a fountain and then a hotel with about fifty-six floors. Tip-top hotel life. As soon as we screeched to a halt a millimeter away from the fountain, some chap in a uniform opened the car doors. He seemed vair vair cheerful, like someone had told him a really good joke. Perhaps he had heard about the clown-car convention. Or seen Uncle Eddie trying to park. Hesmiled and clapped his hands and said, “Well, how are you all doing? Come on in, come on in!!! Welcome to Memphis, folks. The home of Elvis—but this is not Heartbreak Hotel, no siree, this is your hotel !” Good Lord. I said to Uncle Eddie really quietly, “Put your foot down and drive like the wind.”
    But Mr. Smiley Mad Pants had already taken all our bags inside. Still grinning. Like he was really pleased to see us. The receptionist (Candi) practically split her mouth in half, she was smiling and saying “alrighty” so much.
    Whilst Dad and Uncle Eddie sorted out the rooms, Mum said, “Aren’t they all just, you know…”
    I said, “Bonkers?”
    Mum got all mumish, “No, aren’t they all so nice? Let’s have a little look at the pool.”
    poolsidewise
    Fabby pool all surrounded by palm trees and with miniature waterfalls and stuff. We tried out the sun lounger things. Libby gave Sandy and Scuba Diving Barbie a bit of privacy by putting them on their own special lounger.
    As soon as we sat down a waitress dashedover. Blimey, sometimes days can go by in English restaurants before some complete fool comes ambling over to take your order, and then tells you they haven’t got it.
    Our waitress (Loreen) was beside herself with joy at seeing us and said, “Well, howdy to you all, thank you for coming to Memphis. Can I get you ladies anything?”
    Mum said, “Could I have tea for four, and perhaps a couple of ham sandwiches if that is not too much trouble?”
    Loreen slapped her thigh and laughed for about a year and said, “With that cute accent you can have anything you want, ma’am.”
    Mum said to Libby, “Bibs, would you like a little ham sandwich?”
    Libby looked at the waitress and started snorting and grunting and pretending to be a mad piglet.
    â€œHoggy hoggy, piggy sandwich!”
    And Loreen chuckled and said, “Now, aren’t you the