whilst Vati and UncleEddie twiddled with their knobs.
I hugged Jazzy. And amazingly she hugged me back.
I said, âJas, I am sooo excited, arenât you?â
She said, âOoh look, there is a little TV on the back of the seat!â
As the Thunderbird-a-gogo or whatever it was took off at one mile an hour, driven by Dad, I said to Jas, âI can almost smell Masimo.â
She said, âOo-er.â
And then we both fell about laughing. I think I have got hysterical jet lag. Dad and Uncle Eddie were singing âI Left My Heart in San Francisoâ and have already started yelling âhowdyâ out of the window at anyone we pass.
Itâs only a matter of time before they are taken to jail. So things are looking up.
6:30 p.m. timewise
I think someone forgot to mention something to me. Itâs HUGE here! The buildings, the signs, the shorts. Everything is HUGE here. And bloody hot.
Iâd ask Dad to turn on the air-conditioning if I didnât know what a waste of time that was. Heâsalready opened the sun roof ten times when he was trying to change gears.
And more to the point, there ISNâT a gear stick, this is an automatic car.
6:45 p.m.
Fifty million years of swaying about in the back of a vee-hick-el driven by someone who doesnât know what side of the road is the right one (and thatâs when we are in England). It was only when we passed the same group of people for the fifth time and they started waving and cheering that Dad let Uncle Eddie drive.
hotel
7:15 p.m.
This is more like it. A huge driveway lined with hibiscus and palm trees and a fountain and then a hotel with about fifty-six floors. Tip-top hotel life. As soon as we screeched to a halt a millimeter away from the fountain, some chap in a uniform opened the car doors. He seemed vair vair cheerful, like someone had told him a really good joke. Perhaps he had heard about the clown-car convention. Or seen Uncle Eddie trying to park. Hesmiled and clapped his hands and said, âWell, how are you all doing? Come on in, come on in!!! Welcome to Memphis, folks. The home of Elvisâbut this is not Heartbreak Hotel, no siree, this is your hotel !â Good Lord. I said to Uncle Eddie really quietly, âPut your foot down and drive like the wind.â
But Mr. Smiley Mad Pants had already taken all our bags inside. Still grinning. Like he was really pleased to see us. The receptionist (Candi) practically split her mouth in half, she was smiling and saying âalrightyâ so much.
Whilst Dad and Uncle Eddie sorted out the rooms, Mum said, âArenât they all just, you knowâ¦â
I said, âBonkers?â
Mum got all mumish, âNo, arenât they all so nice? Letâs have a little look at the pool.â
poolsidewise
Fabby pool all surrounded by palm trees and with miniature waterfalls and stuff. We tried out the sun lounger things. Libby gave Sandy and Scuba Diving Barbie a bit of privacy by putting them on their own special lounger.
As soon as we sat down a waitress dashedover. Blimey, sometimes days can go by in English restaurants before some complete fool comes ambling over to take your order, and then tells you they havenât got it.
Our waitress (Loreen) was beside herself with joy at seeing us and said, âWell, howdy to you all, thank you for coming to Memphis. Can I get you ladies anything?â
Mum said, âCould I have tea for four, and perhaps a couple of ham sandwiches if that is not too much trouble?â
Loreen slapped her thigh and laughed for about a year and said, âWith that cute accent you can have anything you want, maâam.â
Mum said to Libby, âBibs, would you like a little ham sandwich?â
Libby looked at the waitress and started snorting and grunting and pretending to be a mad piglet.
âHoggy hoggy, piggy sandwich!â
And Loreen chuckled and said, âNow, arenât you the