Free Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 06 by Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers Page B

cutest?”
    Cutest?
    Libby?
    Good Lord.
    ten minutes later
    Jas is writing a postcard to Hunky—we’ve only been here a minute. She has no pridenosity.
    Mum started taking her jacket off. I said, “I beg you, Mum, do not alarm anyone with your nungas.”
    She is in such a good mood, and obviously expecting to see George Clooney any minute, that she just smiled at me and lay back in her chair.
    Jas said, “I wonder what time it is in Kiwi-a-gogo. If we are five hours back from England and New Zealand is twelve hours ahead of England, that means…erm…let me see….”
    I said, “Jas, please work it out in your head and don’t start talking about minutes to me. It makes my brain go jelloid.”
    Once I have had a snack I will have the strength to get on the phone to the Luuurve God.
    fifteen minutes later
    Loreen has arrived with our “snack.” My sandwich is made out of two loaves of bread, chips, a huge gherkin and a piglet. Loreen said to Libby, who was gnawing her way through forty pounds of ham, “Is that alrighty for you, Miss Beautiful?”
    Pardon?
    Then, attracted by the gnawing, Cindi, a waitress with eight-foot hair came over and said, “Now you leave her alone, Loreen, she is mine.”
    Then they had a bit of a mock minifight over Libby, shouting, “Now you give her here, she is miiiiine.”
    Quite quite weird. We sat there chewing as Loreen and Cindi sort of pushed each other round. Finally Loreen won and she picked up Libby and gave her a cuddle. Libby didn’t hit her.
    I was amazed.
    We were all amazed.
    It was amazing, that’s why.
    She was cuddling my sister. My sister wasn’t biffing her.
    Now Loreen was kissing Sandra. Blimey.
    Then some bloke passing by with twenty-five pounds of sausages on his plate stopped and joined in. “How are y’all folks doing?”
    I said, “We are doing as alrighty as…er…alrighty things, thank you.”
    And he said, “Hey, miss, are you from Ireland? Well, begorrah you are real pretty and you have asparkling personality. Now you all take care and have a nice day.”
    Mum practically choked on her pig’s leg.
    half an hour of alrighty time later
    After our “snack” we staggered to the elevator and a complete stranger in tartan slacks and matching hat said as he got out, “Now you enjoy Memphis, you hear?”
    On the way up to our room I said to Jas, “What do they want from us?”
    inside
    Mum went off with Libby into the “family” room and Me and Jas went into our room. I heard Libby saying to Mum, “When is the kittykat plane landing, Mummmmmeeeee?”
    Oh dear.
    our room
    Wow and wowzee wow, it was HUGE. And it had its own private bathroom! No more chance sightings of my parents in the nuddy-pants.
    When we got to our room the bellhop wasputting our bags on one of the ginormous beds.
    I said, “Oh, thank you very much.”
    And he slapped his thigh and said, “Now where are you all from?”
    I said, “Erm, we’re all from England.”
    And he did a little bit of a dance and said, “Say something in British.”
    I looked at Jas but she was busy walking in and out of the walk-in wardrobe.
    It was really making me nervy having an ogling person ogling me from about an inch away from my head. Especially one who thinks that I speak British. Anyway, I said, “Do you know if there is a bus that goes to Manhattan, please?”
    And he started hooting with laugher. I was just looking at him. Eventually he managed to wipe his eyes and calm down and went cackling off out of the room.
    Jas said, “Georgie, look, there is like a cupboard thing with all drinks and snacks in.”
    I said, “Oh thank God!!!”
    But I was being ironic because I am so full of piglet I can barely move.
    We lay on our ginormous beds and made a plan.
    I said, “Okay, the first thing is we phone up directory