Free Avoiding Mr Right by Anita Heiss Page A

jealous?'
    'Of course I'm jealous. You live in another city, I don't
see you for weeks and when I do you flirt with men in front
of me. What's wrong with you?'
    What was wrong with me indeed? Maybe I was missing
my single days and ways and Melbourne had made me
realise that.
    'I think you need to make a choice between us and this
new lifestyle you've got. You can stay here or you can come
home and let me make you happy in Sydney.'
    'What? You're giving me an ultimatum? I'm already
happy. My new job is making me happy. Haven't you heard
a word I've said about my career and my goals?'
    'Don't you love me any more? Is that why you're really
here?'
    And then I snapped. 'Of course I love you, as if I'd move
states just to end a relationship!'
    'Well, you want to be careful, or you'll end up alone.'
    'Oh, for God's sake.' I put my glass on the bar. 'Let's go
home.' I didn't have to ask twice.
    ♥
    It was icy-cold silence in the cab for most of the drive home
until we took a sharp turn and I started playing corners,
pushing right into James like I did with my sister Giselle
in the car when we were kids. We both laughed and the ice
broke. I started kissing his neck and told him I missed him.
We made out like teenagers on the back seat, and I hoped
the taxi driver wasn't getting off on my muffled moans.
    Shelley was still out when we arrived at Eildon Road and
fumbled our way to my room.
    'What the—' I felt something metal in my mouth when
I went down on him. 'You could've warned me!'
    'Oh, yeah, I wanted to surprise you.'
    'Well, you did. Why though?'
    'I thought that maybe you thought that I was too
conservative for you, or that maybe it would turn you on or
please you more.'
    'Why would you think mutilating your body by piercing
your penis would please me or turn me on?'
    'I read somewhere that women got certain pleasure from
piercings.'
    'Some women might. Did you also read that most
women don't get any pleasure from straight sex at all?'
    'I'm sorry.'
    'There's no need to be sorry, and thank you for going
to so much trouble and pain, but you really didn't have to.
We're fine together, you and me. The best.'
    'I thought maybe it was me who turned you celibate.'
    'No-one turned me celibate. Anyway, how can I be
celibate when I'm here with you? I'm faithful to you and
celibate for myself. Does that make sense?'
    'Not at all, but as long as there's no-one else I'm cool.'
    'There's no-one else. Are we okay?'
    'All okay, my princess.'
    'Then can the princess and her prince go to sleep now, is
that okay?'
    'That's okay.' I realised then that James truly loved me,
and he just wanted to make me happy. My happiness was
his happiness. Oh, how we could all live happily ever after
if I wasn't so obviously emotionally flawed.
    I woke up about five am with my head resting in his
groin. I was desperately dry but as I got up James yelled.
My earring was caught on his piercing. Every time I moved
it tugged on him.
    'I'm sorry,' I said, but I couldn't help laughing.
    'Don't move,' he said fearfully.
    'Okay.' And so I stayed still. 'So, now what?'
    'Just don't move,' he said determinedly.
    'I'm not moving.' I squealed with laughter again. 'But
I can't stay like this all day. We're going to have to separate
ourselves.'
    'Well, can't you do it? You're down there.'
    'I can't see anything, my head's side-on, and my hair's
everywhere, and so is yours for that matter. Thought about
waxing?' And I cracked up.
    'Oh, very funny. Let me see if I can get it.' He tried
to find my ear through my hair but we both just got the
giggles.
    'This is ridiculous. Hand me my phone – it's near the
bed.'
    'What do you want your phone for?'
    'Just give it to me,' I ordered.
    'Not until you tell me what it's for.'
    'James, just give it to me or I'm going to sit up right
now really quickly and rip your dick right off and wear it as
an earring.' He handed me the phone immediately, as any
smart-thinking guy would. I punched the