Free Kickoff for Love by Amelia Whitmore

this control over me. I hate that I run from everything, but I can't stop myself. I never wanted to hurt you. Andy, honestly, I didn't. But you can't be happy with me. I'm going to drag you down like she did with everybody she met. You won't get to follow your dreams. I can't have that on my shoulders.” I paused, trying to catch my breath. The mixture of crying and talking was wearing me out. "I'm pathetic, okay? Lindsey is the first friend I've had for longer than I can remember. I even tried to avoid that.” I couldn't keep talking, so I just cried. 
    Andy rubbed my back soothingly. "Tell me about your mom." He said softly. 
    "No." I said on a sob, shaking my head. 
    "Please tell me? I won't hold it against you." He whispered against my shoulder. 
    "Yes you will. You won't be able to help it." I told him. 
    "Let me decide." he coaxed. 
    I was silent for a few minutes, deciding if I should actually tell him. "I know that Lindsey told you about my Mom being an alcoholic." I began. After the date, Lindsey had texted me, telling me she'd told him. I hadn't minded much. I was actually numb about the whole subject. 
    "That's all I thought it was at first. I thought she just liked drinking. As I got older, I realized how often she went out partying, just how little time she spent home. I used to beg her to stay. Not to leave me with the babysitter, but she'd go anyways. One night, the babysitter ended up getting sick halfway through the night, so she dropped me off with my Mom.” I shivered at the memory. "She shoved me into a closet, telling me to keep my mouth shut. The closet doors had these shades on them, making it so that when I looked out of the slit, I could see the room. I watched my mother do a line of cocaine. At the time I didn't realize what it was. I learned a few years later in a health class.” 
    "That was the first time I'd ever seen my Mom do drugs, but not the last. After that night, I guess she felt free to bring her bad habits home because there were more and more parties. I was allowed to play in my room for most of the night, but then she'd shove me into my closet and tell me not to come out until she came to get me. I still don't even know what was happening, or why I needed to be in the closet. She had countless amounts of 'boyfriends'. None of which stayed long. We moved twelve times, I think, from the time I was five until I was ten. After that, she met Steve, and we moved in with him. I thought she had changed, that she loved me now. Then I was packed up and shipped off to Dad's before I even realized what had happened.”
    We were both silent for a while before Andy spoke up. "Honey, I don't know how hard that must have been, but I can imagine. I'm so sorry you went through that. I just don't understand why you can't be with me.”
    I sighed. "I can't go partying. I won't have a normal college life. I hate alcohol because I've seen what it can do. The other night, when you ordered a beer, I about had a panic attack. I can't ask you not to drink, but I can't be with you if you do. That's not fair to you. What if I start using people like she did? What if I start to make the same mistakes?" I asked, stating my worst fears in life. "I can't do that to you, and I won't. I'm so sorry Andy. You don't deserve somebody like me in your life. You need somebody who can celebrate with you, go to beach parties with people your own age and not worry about the messed up person you brought with you." I said. 
    "Ashley, stop." he said calmly. "You can't decide things like this for me. I'm perfectly able to make up my own mind about things. When it comes to you, I'm already made up. I don't know how it happened, or when it started, but I love you. I don't know what it means yet, but I felt like my world had ended when I watched you drive away. I want you in my life. If that means no drinking, then I won't drink. If I can't go to parties with my friends, then I won't.” I cut him off. 
    "No, that's not