Free Stirring the Pot by Jenny McCarthy Page B

take you places that optimism and positivity never could. Backward in emotional development, for instance—how cool is that? It also ages you quickly—something everyone strives for!
    Let’s look at the many other advantages of negative personality traits (but be careful; these things can become addictive).
The Benefits of Bitterness
    Bitterness is one of the few emotions you can actually taste in your mouth, so don’t undervalue it. It’s powerful medicine! Being bitter—whether it’s about other people’s success or their possessions or their wholedamn lucky life—is a super-duper, fast-acting, go-to defense mechanism. Bitterness helps you sleep at night, tucked in warm and cozy with the knowledge that others are not nearly as deserving as you; they obviously just slept with someone at the top.
    Bitterness is an especially handy tool when you feel like ranting and raving about someone else’s entitled attitude and unearned success (which is an approach to life that’s obviously so much less self-aware than your own bitter state of mind). See reference to Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian on the next page.
The Upside of Entitlement
    The only thing faster-acting than believing that hard work and talent don’t pay off is the belief that even if they do, you deserve a shortcut around all the effort.
    I had an assistant once who, just three months into the job with me (and not too much longer than that out of college), presented me with a written plan to become my business partner and start pulling in a six-figure salary, plus bonuses based on
my
work. At the time I thought this was the equivalent of speeding past the long line of cars on a highway off-ramp and then cutting in without even an embarrassed blinker at thelast minute (Jesus, that makes me mad). And I still like that analogy. But now I think this would-be executive was on to something, don’t you agree? Talk about brass balls! And initiative! I was presented with a written plan, for God’s sake.Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian never worked so hard to work so little. (See “The Benefits of Bitterness” on this page .) Too bad—I fired the kid anyway.
The Power of Being Obsessed with the Past
    If rehashing your past—whether it’s your hurts or your golden days—weren’t so therapeutic, there wouldn’t be therapists (or career bartenders). There is a certain emotional blissfulness in never mustering the energy to get past your past (or feeling the need to do so). If you are past-obsessive, don’t change! Don’t stop assuming that the past will repeat itself and that you are powerless to have any impact on your future. Take refuge in the past and you are protected from any future growth. Phew!
The Fruits of Being Obsessed with the Future
    If you’re not past-obsessive, there’s still hope for you. You can skip the present and escape the now in the other direction. Focusing relentlessly on getting somewhere that is not where you are today—at the expense of present-day enjoyment—is a fantastic use of your time and your energies. Add obsessive competitiveness to the mix and you will be the neighborhood champion: you will own more than the Joneses will ever own, your holiday lights will be brighter, you’ll have more glamorous parties, and don’t even get me started on how your kids will crush everyone in the college admissions wars (whether they want to go to college or not, dammit).
The Judiciousness of Judging Others
    The fancy shrink term for what you’re doing when you judge or criticize others is “projected identification.” In effect, this means that when you feel bad about yourself and don’t know what to do with it, you project it onto other people. If you’re lucky, you can probably get away with feeling superior without self-awareness.(If you’re unlucky, you vaguely understand what you’re doing and see the shadow of your own faults in your criticism of others.) It’ll help keep you sharp if you practice judging harshly and