Free Just a Fan by Leen Elle, Emily Austen Page B

done my best not to go wide-eyed and open-mouthed at the sight of so much bare, toned flesh, preferring to critically label him a bit of an exhibitionist. I had even thought worse of him, whenever I had seen photos on those terrible gossip sites that I just couldn't help going on of him "getting friendly" with various women. But now that I had gotten to know him better, I knew that he was just a good-looking guy who had grown up disillusioned and feeling a failure, and who was simply making the most of his well-earned fame as compensation for his difficult youth. The man was having fun at last, after so many years of depression - who could blame him? Yet I had once been forced to, in order to stop myself getting too attached to a man whom I knew I would never meet.
     
    But now everything had changed. I had really met him, and not two hours ago he had kissed me. Himself, of his own volition!
     
    I felt an odd feeling fluttering in my stomach. I think I was really beginning to adore this man...
     
    How many months had I spent poring over biographies, filmographies and photos of Connor, laughing at his funniest online interviews and smiling over the candid shots taken by his friends of him pulling strange faces? How long had I kept that small cut-out of Connor looking very suave stuck on my fridge door, with a little speech bubble by his head saying "Fight Da Power, Lilly!!"? He had made me smile just as often as he had made me feel downright depressed. But it seemed all of that pining had finally paid off, and I had gotten that one, impossible kiss that I never would have imagined I could ever have. I found myself now in pure bliss; if Connor had just kissed me, then that meant that this could be the start of an actual relationship ...
     
    Abruptly, my bubble of dizzy happiness burst. Ah. I had forgotten - Connor was going off to America tomorrow. We wouldn't see each other for an indefinite amount of time. It might even be years before he returned to England. During that time, he would definitely forget me and move on, especially with all of those actresses and supermodels fawning over him...
     
    Lonely, he had said. But how could he have been lonely? It just didn't make any sense. Nothing made any sense any more. I sighed, sliding off the sofa to sit despondently on the floor with my head in my hands. I was beginning to feel horribly full of doubts. Why couldn't life be simple ? It would save so much brain-ache...
     
    I got up off the floor, starting to pace restlessly again. Should I call him? Or was that the wrong move to make? Maybe he was so used to kisses that he just saw them as friendly and insignificant, I reasoned. But that didn't seem quite right...there had been a seriousness in his face that had suggested it held more importance to him than that. Though...he was an actor, wasn't he? An award-winning one, too?
     
    I shook my head angrily, halting this awful train of thought. No, Connor wasn't that type of person. I had gotten to know him, after all...
     
    But what if I was just some very brief holiday fling of his? What if our relationship was just doomed to be shallow? He had kissed me on the eve of his departure to the US, for God's sake. Maybe that was all he had wanted? Or maybe we had just never been able to get past that first kiss?
     
    I groaned, rubbing my temples. I needed moral support here, before I went crazy.
     
    I trudged over to the phone, and dialled a number.
     
    ' Hello? '
     
    'Hi, Kate. It's Lilly,' I said, knowing she was probably still unreasonably bitter towards me for not divulging Connor's personal details to her, but just needing someone to talk to who was less serious and sensible than Julie.
     
    ' Oh. Hi .' She did indeed sound slightly bitter, but her tone seemed to indicate that she was curious to hear why my tone was so subdued. ' What's up? '
     
    'Well...you see...I'm completely at a loss about what to do,' I confessed to her. 'Me and Connor...well...'
     
    ' Yeees...? '