Free The Scandalous Life of a True Lady by Bárbara Metzger

did not know if she could go through with her plan.
    It was one thing for a woman to fall in love, to give herself to man who loved her in return, with the promise of marriage, or so Simone believed. The church demanded the wedding come before the bedding, but Society looked the other way when so many infants were born months prematurely. No harm was done but a bit of embarrassment at the birth.
    It was another thing to be so overcome with passion for a handsome, charming rogue that a woman lost her wits, and thus her virtue. Females in plays and poems and operas did that all the time, didn’t they? Simone had never experienced such overpowering passion, but she supposed it was possible. Reprehensible, but possible.
    Her decision, though, selling herself to a man she barely knew, was outright wrong. Sinful. Shameful. Scandalous. No matter that her need was great and her alternatives were few, offering herself as a man’s plaything was against her every precept and her parents’ teachings. She could have done it this afternoon, acting on impulse born of desperation, but now, with a full stomach? Now she had too much time to think.
    Where was Major Harrison anyway? He should be here to help her decide. Was he as kind as he seemed? Then he should understand her trepidations. Would he treat her like a lady, or like the harlot she was becoming?
    He was generous; he’d already proved that. If he paid Auguste’s school fees, Simone could retire after her one venture into the demi-monde . She was getting cold feet, that was all. She pulled the blankets tighter around her, then felt too warm and tossed them aside.
    The secretary was a cold man. She sat up again, wondering why she was suddenly thinking of Mr. Harris at all. He’d likely hand over her wages with a sneer, then go back to his own bed, his occupied bed. Now she clenched the covers in her hands.
    Bother, she was never going to fall asleep at this rate. She decided to write a letter to Auguste at school, instead of twisting her nerves and the sheets into rumpled knots. She lit another candle and found paper and ink in the desk near the window. She sat there, barefoot, and composed a note filled with so many lies that the major would dismiss her on the spot. She told her brother all about her new, well-paying position. She was on trial, she explained in case nothing came of it, but she wrote that she had great hopes of succeeding with the pleasant, well-established family in Mayfair, in their beautiful house filled with friendly servants. The children were young enough, she told Auggie, that she could have a contented place with them for years, and he must not worry about her. She would send him the address when she was certain they were keeping her on. Wish me luck , she concluded, your loving sister . Of course the tear drops made her words run together, but Auggie would suppose her letter got wet in the rain. And if he could not read all of it, well, then she had a few less lies to atone for.
    She sealed the letter but knew she’d have to ask Mr. Harris to post it in the morning, dash it. She had no desire to face the secretary again, with his smirk hidden behind his moustache and his scorn hidden by dark glasses. If he were more friendly she might have asked him if the house contained a library, then she could have had a new book to read tonight, instead of dwelling on her fears. She supposed she could read her bible. No, not tonight, not in this house, not with her intentions.
    A scratching sound came at her door and Simone was almost glad that Sally had come back with her chatter. But Sally did not come in when she called out “Enter.” Neither did Major Harrison, thank goodness. Simone was not ready for him, not by a long shot.
    The sound came again, so she went to the door and opened it to find a cat in the hall, a big white cat, the fattest, fluffiest cat Simone had ever seen, which explained why everyone was covered in white hairs, except that Major Harrison