Free Siege by Mark Alpert

but doesn’t say anything. I wish Shannon would turn on the robot’s video screen. She usually programs it to show the human, healthy Shannon Gibbs, the way she looked before the cancer. Over the past few months we’ve had several long conversations here in her room, and during those talks I sometimes stared so intently at her video simulation that I almost forgot we were machines. But that was just an illusion. Now I see the reality: the blank screen, the faceless hardware. This is what we are.
    I wait a few more seconds but she remains silent. I have to do all the talking. “I don’t know what’s wrong. Did I say something that upset you? I’ve gone over all the conversations we’ve had over the past two weeks, but I still can’t figure it out.”
    â€œReally?” Her voice is quiet but full of disbelief. “Think about it a little more, Adam. You have lots of processing power in your circuits, so this shouldn’t be beyond your abilities.”
    She’s right. I have hundreds of trillions of logic gates, enough to perform billions of calculations in a millionth of a second. The only problem is that 99.9 percent of my circuits are useless now because they’re flooded with the random noise of fear. The emotion chokes my electronics, blocking my thoughts. I feel tight and hot and constricted, which is the same way I used to feel in my pre-Pioneer life whenever I was afraid. I get this constricted sensation when I’m in combat too, but in those situations I don’t need to think a lot, because it’s usually pretty obvious what my next move should be. Now, though, nothing is obvious.
    Still, I make an attempt. “Well, we don’t agree about everything. You like Hawke more than I do, or at least you have a higher opinion of his methods. But we’re allowed to disagree, right? That doesn’t doom a relationship, does it?”
    â€œOkay, that’s the key word. Relationship .” Shannon points a sparkling finger at my Quarter-bot and then at herself. “We’ve had conversations about that too, remember? About what we mean to each other and where we want to go?”
    Now I’m starting to follow her thinking. Shannon and I have talked about sharing circuits. It’s a logical step for two Pioneers who are drawing closer to each other. If I transfer myself to Shannon’s neuromorphic control unit, I’ll have access to all of her data and she’ll have access to all of mine. I’ll be able to see all of her memories and emotions, going back as far as she can remember. Everything will become visible, both the good and the bad, all the proud moments of love and kindness, and all the dark, secret humiliations. Shannon won’t be able to hide anything from me, and I won’t be able to hide anything from her. It would be a big step forward for us, exhilarating and intimate, but also terrifying.
    I’ve shared circuits before, with Jenny and Zia, but not by choice. Those were crisis situations. I jumped into Jenny’s circuits when she ran into trouble during her transition from human to Pioneer, and I leaped into Zia’s because she was attacking me. A few weeks ago, Shannon asked me what it felt like to view someone else’s memories, and I told her that it isn’t a step to be taken lightly. The effects are irreversible. You can’t unknow someone’s secrets. Shannon was quiet for a few seconds after I said this, and then she said we should probably wait a while before we tried it. That seemed like a sensible decision at the time. Now I realize there was more to it.
    â€œUh, Shannon? Do you want to have that conversation again? About you and me sharing circuits?”
    â€œNo, I want to talk about something you forgot to mention before. About the second time you shared circuits with Jenny.”
    â€œWhat? I—”
    â€œThe first time was an emergency. I realize that. Jenny