Free How to Date an Alien by Magan Vernon

than just working behind closed doors?"
    "Ew!" It was the first I had heard from Riley
all night. She sprang from her bed and stormed over to Jen's bed,
pushing Jen aside to sit down directly facing me. "You aren't
really fooling around with that Ace guy are you?"
    "Well, no, but—"
    "But, what?" She raised her penciled-in
eyebrows and scooted closer. "Aliens and humans don't date. Period.
It's just gross. They're like another species. It would be as if
you were making out with a lizard, or a dolphin, or something."
    “Riley, there’s no reason to be rude about
it." Jen looked from Riley then back to me. “But are you seeing
him?"
    I tried not to meet either of their faces,
but I could feel them staring at me, so I focused on Jen’s fluffy
pink bedspread. “No, nothing's going on. We’re just friends.”
    “Ugh." Riley got off the bed and headed
toward the bathroom. “Still weird. I mean how could you even have
anything in common with him? He’s a freaking Caltian.”
    She shut the door behind her, leaving Jen and
I sitting alone on the bed. We sat in silence until I heard the
light spray of the water turn on and hoped that Riley wouldn’t hear
us over the shower.
    “If you are interested in him, I won’t tell
Riley,” Jen whispered, inching closer. “I don’t understand it, but
if you are—”
    "Well, I don’t know if you would call it
interested." I smiled, still looking down at the bedspread.
    “I knew it!" Jen tried her hardest not to
squeal as she bounced. I finally looked up at Jen, trying to hide
my smile. I failed miserably, as it clearly spread across my face
and settled into a wide grin.
    “How did you know?" I asked. My smile began
to fade while I twirled a stray strand of fabric around my fingers.
"It's not like he would have any interest in me. You said that
Caltians are like the popular kids, which means a guy who has spent
years on this planet would definitely not be interested in a
blogging nerd like me."
    “I think you aren’t giving yourself enough
credit." She got off the bed and walked toward her dresser. “Maybe
you should invite him to come with tonight." She plucked a shirt
out of her drawer.
    “Why would I do that?" I got up from the bed
and walked over to Jen, leaning up against her dresser.
    “Because that’s what you do with guys you
like. Invite them out with your friends." She raised her eyebrows.
“Sometimes it seems like you're light years away from other
people’s thought processes.”
    “But won't people like Riley freak out about
it?" I pushed.
    “Who really cares what Riley thinks?" She
slid the shirt over the tank top she was wearing. “Tell him to show
up with some of his alien friends and you may just happen to run
into each other there.”
    “I can’t do that." I looked down at my shoes,
scuffing one against the other.
    She pulled her shirt down, and then looked at
me. “Of course you can. Now go put on something that doesn’t make
you look twelve, and go ask him!" She pushed me toward my
dresser.
    “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?" I
looked down at my faded unicorn t-shirt and jeans. “It’s vintage.
He’ll appreciate vintage.”
    Jen rolled her eyes and tossed a black v-neck
shirt in my direction. “Yeah, he appreciates vintage, but he
doesn’t want to date it.”
    I held the shirt up, staring at the very
low-cut neckline. "Can't I just wear something that I already
own?"
    "Well, yeah, if you have something that isn't
your uniform or another one of those vintage t-shirts." She dug
through a small pink bag on her dresser, pulling out an eye shadow
and holding it up to my face.
    "What are you doing?" I raised my
eyebrows.
    "I'm trying to find an eye shadow that will
match your olive complexion. It's not every day that I'm trying to
sexify an Italian girl for an alien." She giggled, removing my
glasses and swiping a layer of eye shadow over my left eyelid
before I could protest.
    "Are you sure this is a good idea?" I
questioned as she tugged