Free The World According to Humphrey by Betty G. Birney Page A

have to figure out what to wear every day.
    Mostly, I like the cartoon shows. Sometimes they have mice and rabbits and other interesting rodents, although I’ve never seen a hamster show. Yet.
    Anyway, the difference at the Thomases’ house is that the television is on all the time. There’s a TV on a table across from a big comfy couch and a big comfy chair and someone’s almost always sitting there watching. I know because they put my cage down on the floor next to the couch. I had a very good view of the TV.
    I couldn’t always hear the TV, though, because A.J.’s mother had a radio in the kitchen, which was blaring most of the time while she cooked or did crossword puzzles or talked on the phone. No matter what she did, the radio was always on.
    When A.J.’s dad came home from work, he plopped down on the couch and watched TV while he played with the baby. Then A.J. and Ty plugged in some video games and played while Dad watched. DeeLee listened to the radio with her mom and danced around the kitchen.
    When it was time for dinner, the whole family took plates and sat in the den so they could watch TV while they ate.
    Then they watched TV some more. They made popcorn and kept watching.
    Finally, the kids went to bed. The baby first, then DeeLee and later Ty and A.J.
    After they were all in their rooms, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas kept watching TV and ate some ice cream.
    Later, Mrs. Thomas yawned loudly. “I’ve had it, Charlie. I’m going to bed and I suggest you do, too,” she said.
    But Mr. Thomas just kept on watching. Or at least he kept on sitting there until he fell asleep on the couch. I ended up watching the rest of the wrestling match without him. Unfortunately, the wrestler I was rooting for, Thor of Glore, lost. Finally, Mr. Thomas woke up, yawned, flicked off the TV and went upstairs to bed. Peace at last.
    But the quiet only lasted about ten minutes. Soon Mom brought Beau downstairs and gave him a bottle while she watched TV. When Beau finally fell asleep, Mrs. Thomas yawned and flicked off the TV. Blessed relief.
    Five minutes later, Mr. Thomas returned. “Sorry, hamster. Can’t sleep,” he mumbled to me as he flicked on the remote. He watched and watched and then dozed off again. But the TV stayed on, leaving me no choice but to watch a string of commercials for car waxes, weight-reducing programs, exercise machines and “Red-Hot Harmonica Classics.”
    The combination of being nocturnal and being bombarded with sight and sound kept me wide-awake.
    At the crack of dawn, DeeLee tiptoed into the room, dragging her doll by its hair, and switched to a cartoon show about princesses.
    She watched another show about cats and dogs. (Scary!) Then Mr. Thomas woke up and wanted to check some sports scores. Mrs. Thomas handed him the baby and his bottle and soon the older boys switched over to video games and their parents watched them play.
    It was LOUD-LOUD-LOUD. But the Thomases didn’t seem to notice.
    “What do you want for breakfast?” Mom shouted.
    “What?” Dad shouted louder.
    “WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?” Mom yelled.
    “TOASTER WAFFLES!” Dad yelled louder.
    “I CAN’T HEAR THE TV!” Ty hollered, turning up the volume.
    “DO YOU WANT JUICE?” Mom screamed.
    “CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Dad responded.
    And so it went. With each new question, the sound on the TV would be turned up higher and higher until it was positively deafening.
    Then Mom switched on her radio.
    The Thomases were a perfectly nice family, but I could tell it was going to be a very long and noisy weekend unless I came up with a Plan.
    So, I spun on my wheel for a while to help me think. And I thought and thought and thought some more. And then it came: the Big Idea. I probably would have come up with it sooner if I could have heard myself think!
    Around noon, the Thomases were all watching the football game on TV. Or rather, Mr. Thomas was watching the football game on TV while A.J. and Ty shouted questions at him. Mrs.