Free Grand Avenue by Joy Fielding

already talking about quitting, going off onhis own, starting up his own agency, working from home. And it all just seems like too much sometimes, you know. Like I’ll never have a minute to myself. And I know how bad that sounds, because I know how much Tony loves me, I appreciate all the things he does for me, what good care he takes of me and the kids, I really do, but sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe. And another baby right now …”
    “You don’t have to have this baby,” Vicki said simply.
    There was silence.
    “I can’t have an abortion.” Chris began shaking her head as Montana had earlier, her ponytail whipping back and forth across her cheeks. “I can’t. I can’t.”
    “You should talk this over with Tony,” Barbara suggested gently.
    “I can’t talk to him about this. He’d never understand. He’d never forgive me for even considering …”
    There was another moment’s silence, then, “He wouldn’t have to know.”
    Chris stared at Vicki in disbelief. She broke free of her friends’ comforting arms and pushed herself to her feet, pacing back and forth along the side of the road. “No. I can’t. You don’t understand. Tony would know. He’d know.”
    “How would he know?” Barbara asked.
    “He’d know,” Chris said, her head bobbing violently up and down. “He keeps track.”
    “What do you mean, he keeps track?” Susan asked. “Are you saying he keeps track of your periods?”
    “He’s been wanting another baby ever since Wyatt was born.”
    “What about what
you
want?”
    “I don’t know what I want.” That’s why she was so lucky to have Tony, Chris almost screamed. He knew what was best for her.
    “He keeps track of your periods,” Susan repeated wondrously, as if trying to make sense of the words.
    “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Look, I’ve blown this whole thing way out of proportion. I do that all the time.”
    “No, you don’t.”
    “Yes, I do.”
    “Who says you do?” Barbara asked. “Tony?”
    “You don’t blow things out of proportion, Chris,” Susan said. “Chris, are you listening to me?”
    “I have to go home,” Chris said, spinning on her heels, walking back toward the car. “If you won’t drive me, I’ll hitch a ride.” She looked up and down the road, saw no one.
    “Of course we’ll drive you,” Vicki said, chasing after her.
    “Chris, wait up!” Chris heard them call from somewhere behind her.
    “Chris, please, we’re on your side.”
    Were they?
    “We didn’t mean to upset you,” Barbara said as they climbed back inside the car.
    Chris kept her head down on the drive back to Mariemont, her eyes in her lap. “I really want this baby.”
    “Of course you do.”
    “We want whatever you want.”
    “Don’t worry about me,” Chris said as Vicki pulledher car onto Grand Avenue. Chris saw Tony’s shadow watching from behind the living room window as she pushed open the rear door and climbed out of the car. Had he been standing there all this time?
    “We love you,” Barbara called after her. “You know that, don’t you?”
    “I know that.” Chris wrapped the words around her like a shawl. “I love you too.”
    Her front door opened. “Hey, baby,” Tony said. “You’re home early.”
    “I missed you,” Chris told him, stepping across the threshold, closing the door behind her without looking back.

Five
    M ommy! Mommy!”
    Susan flipped over onto her right side, strained to look through the darkness toward the clock radio by her husband’s side of the bed. Not even 4 A.M. “Oh, God,” she moaned, knowing less than two hours had passed since she’d finally drifted off to sleep, a sleep plagued by worried thoughts and restless dreams. Guess I’m not the only one, she thought, listening to Ariel’s repeated cries, about to toss off her blankets and see what was bothering the child when her husband’s hand on her arm stopped her.
    “I’ll go,” Owen said, sounding as tired as she