Free Being Magdalene by Fleur Beale

at her school. I told her how Daniel was kind just like Abraham and Luke were, but he was much more serious.
    ‘Did Daniel say curse words too? When he got angry?’ She looked worried. Elder Stephen preached that cursing was a sure way to damnation.
    I shook my head. ‘No. He never got angry either.’ An image of our brother’s face swam in my mind. ‘I think he was sad a lot. He didn’t smile very much.’
    ‘Was he sad like you’re sad?’ she asked. ‘Did he cryand cry and be sad?’
    ‘No, Daniel never cried.’ I closed my eyes, striving not to cry right then. She was so little. She needed a strong, bold sister like Esther had been when she lived with us.
    ‘He isn’t sad in the photo. He’s smiling.’ She patted my shoulder. ‘It’s all right, Magdalene. He’s happy now. He wouldn’t be happy if he was burning in hell.’
    I put a smile on my own face. ‘Yes. It was good to see the photo. Come on, we’d better go to breakfast.’ I gave her a clumsy hug. ‘I’ll tell you more tomorrow morning.’
    Abraham and Luke were finishing their meal when we arrived in the kitchen. Abraham turned to Father. ‘You’re not making that kid go to school.’
    ‘It is the Rule, Abraham. And kindly speak in a seemly manner.’ Father didn’t look at him as he spoke.
    My brother glared at him. I touched his arm with my bandaged hand and shook my head. ‘I’m … I am well enough, Abraham.’
    ‘Sure!’ He hit the table with the flat of his hand. ‘You’re a bundle of energy and no mistake. If you’ve got to go, I’ll drive you and I’ll collect you afterwards. You’re not walking one step further than you absolutely have to.’
    Father looked up. ‘That is not necessary, Abraham.’
    ‘No?’ my brother said. ‘Too bad. It’s what’s going to happen.’
    The two of them stared at each other. Zillah reached for my hand, taking hold of my wrist above the bandages, but Luke’s face stayed expressionless.Abraham’s chin jutted out and his jaw was clenched tight. Father looked the same as always — holy and calm. After age-long seconds he was the first to speak. ‘I will not argue with you, my son. I beg you to pray for forgiveness for breaking the Rule about obedience.’
    He stood up and left the room, and I prayed he hadn’t heard my brother’s furious reply: You’ll be lucky!
    Mother gave him a sharp look. ‘Remember the scripture, my son. Obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord . Magdalene, you especially must take these words into your heart.’
    Would she care if she knew how her words hurt my heart?

    School was a waste of time — even more of a waste of time than usual. Sister Leah came to the door when she heard the car. She watched the three of us get out. Luke and Zillah walked beside me, ready to help if I needed it.
    Sister Leah wasn’t impressed. She got mad when I fumbled with my pen and couldn’t turn the pages by myself. ‘It is a sin to draw attention to yourself, Magdalene Pilgrim. I have no time for girls who faint and make a fuss.’
    Perhaps something had shifted in my heart, for her words made me angry instead of ashamed. I stood up. ‘I will go and help Sister Anna with the juniors. It will be best to remove myself if looking at me is so painful for you.’
    Zillah was delighted to see me, and Sister Anna was kind. ‘It is good to have you with us, Magdalene. I have been most concerned for you.’ She still looked worried but maybe there were other things to worry about as well.
    How odd. Her kindness brought the tears, whereas Sister Leah’s scolding had only made me angry. She put her hands on my shoulders and studied my face, my bandaged hands. ‘You look weary unto death, dear child. Come with me.’ She led me to the back of the room where she pulled out a pile of little mattresses used by the young children when they grew tired. ‘Rest is a great healer. The Lord wants you to be well, but you must help Him out by being