Free Wounded by God's People by Anne Graham Lotz Page A

we’ve received be in response to wounds we’ve inflicted? It would be beneficial to talk things over with God because, if you’re like me, it’s easy to develop spiritual macular degeneration. When I’m hurt, it’s so much easier to focus on the faults of others. It seems to be almost an instinctive reaction to wounding and a convenient defense mechanism:
It’s not me. It’s them! And even if it were me, what I did to them wasn’t as hurtful as what they did to me. So it’s still them!
    Like Hagar, we need help in focusing on ourselves. So I’ve paraphrased the questions that the Angel of the Lord used to probe her heart to make them more relevant and personal for us. Prayerfully consider answering them one by one …
Where are you in your healing journey?
Do you remember what your life was like before you were wounded?
How did you get to this place?
How is the way you are reacting today going to help you tomorrow?
Do you want your life characterized by the result of remaining focused on “them” while being blind to your own pride, arrogance, anger, resentment, name-calling, vengeful digs, schemes for revenge, or vicious gossip disguised as prayer requests?
Are these attitudes working for you and making you happy?
Do they give you a temporary sense of satisfaction but then disintegrate into a desire for even more revenge? And more misery?
What are you living for? Instead of living your life to the glory of God, are you driven by a desire to get even, vindicate your actions, prove someone else wrong, justify your opinion, expose the other person, get your own way?
Consider carefully … do any of these desires truly honor God?
When was the last time you put your head on the pillow conscious of God’s sweet peace and joy flooding your heart? If you can’t remember, could it be time for you to give your attention to considering your own part in the wounding?
    Some of those questions hurt. I know because I have asked them of myself before sharing them with you. It can seem less uncomfortable to keep our eyes shut when the light of truth reveals our blind spot than to open our eyes and allow the light to penetrate into the deep recesses of our hearts where we rarely go. It takes courage to endure that kind of pain and just open our eyes.
    Hagar didn’t open her eyes. Her response to the Lord’s questions, while being honest, reveals that she was still out of focus. Herattention seemed to be more on Sarah than herself: “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai.” 2 I can almost hear the unspoken subtext behind her words:
It’s not my fault. Sarah is the cause of this. She’s mean
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    While ignoring her own sin of arrogance, I wonder if Hagar’s life then flashed before her mind’s eye as she indulged in a full-scale pity party. Did all the old wounds pop up like boils on her heart? How Pharaoh had given her as chattel to Abraham and Sarah; how frightened and alone she had felt in the Canaanite wilderness; how she had tried but seemingly failed to please Sarah or fit into her new life; how unfair it was that she would never have her own husband and children; how she had been robbed of her innocence when Sarah commanded her to sleep with Abraham; how surreal it had been to discover she was carrying his baby; how she had taken advantage of the situation, knowing she was carrying Abraham’s treasured heir; how she had despised and rebelled against Sarah for forcing her into motherhood before she was a wife; how Abraham, after impregnating her, had shown her such indifference and looked the other way when Sarah abused her; how Sarah had stripped her of her privileges, slapped her, and sent her back to the servants’ quarters.
    I’m sure that the more she thought about it, the more blurred her vision became. Reliving what Sarah had done to her kept Hagar blinded to what she had done to Sarah.
    Are your spiritual eyes also