Free House of Payne: Rude by Stacy Gail

unless we hold the party at a laser tag place. I kick ass at laser tag. And paintball, now that I think about it.”
    “Yeah, I can just see Mama Coco diving behind cover to avoid a hail of paintballs.” Then she pointed her fork at him. “By the way, call me Sassy Pants again and I swear to God I’ll call you Sugar Britches in public.”
    “I’m cool with that.” He paused in his eating, his fork suspended as he nailed her with an in-your-face grin. “Sassy Pants.”
    Ugh . “I owe you a Sugar Britches. Don’t let me forget.”
    He laughed softly. “I won’t.”
    There was something oddly predatory about that laugh, so she tried pushing ahead to safer waters. “I was surprised to find that the Crystal Gardens at Navy Pier has that night open, but we’d have to start the party at eight, since there’s something booked before that. I also found a place called The Lake Loft, which is a bit of a drive up the coast, and Chic Chicago is also available. It’s inside the Loop, which is great, but only so-so parking, which is bad. Oh, and the loft place, in addition to being a half-hour drive from Mama Coco and Papa Bolo’s house, doesn’t have the amenities you need, like valet parking and quality liquor packages. And taxi service for a place that far out for people who over-imbibe is going to be expensive.”
    “Cross the loft off the list.” He waved his fork in the air in an X pattern. “We’re Italians. We love food, wine and family, and we party our asses off when all three are combined. Speaking of, eat. I’m halfway done and you’ve barely started.”
    Mainly because she was hungry and not because she was a fan of following orders, she dug into the Kung Pao and took a moment to savor its spicy bite. “If you’re not busy tomorrow, you should head over to both Crystal Gardens and Chic Chicago to see which one suits best.”
    “Great. We will.”
    She almost choked on a swallow. “Pardon me?”
    “We’re gonna do that tomorrow morning, first thing. I’ve got to be at work by noon.”
    “So… when you say we , you’re referring to you and your imaginary friend, right? Because I’m sure as hell not going. I’m not throwing this party, you are.”
    “Look, we’ve already established that if I’m left to my own devices, I’m going to do a man’s job on it. And by that, I mean laser tag and spaghetti at my place. Or yours,” he added, looking around. “My place is just where I’ve been crashing for the past six months. Yours is way nicer, in a decadent, hedonist’s paradise sort of way.”
    “I’m not even going to ask what that means,” she muttered, and shoveled in fried rice rich with veggies, shrimp and soy sauce. “I’m not throwing this party for you.”
    “No, you’re going to be throwing it with me, because you love my parents as much as I do. How many times have you thrown this party in the past?” Rude kept talking while she tried to contradict him, until she finally gave up with a vexed sigh.
    “I’ve only thrown the anniversary party twice. What’s your point?”
    “I’ve never done it. I’ve always been away. Last year’s was the only one I’ve ever gotten close to attending, and even then I missed it by a couple days. So since I don’t know what I’m doing, you’ve got a choice of letting me do it my way, or helping me do it the way it should be.”
    She sighed. It was tragic that his reasoning made a whole lot of sense. “I guess it is kind of hard to build a house when no one’s given you the blueprints on how to do it.”
    “That’s one way of putting it.”
    “And if Scout were here, she’d be all over helping you, the way she was with me when I threw the anniversary party for the first time,” she added fairly, finishing off the last of her meal. “Talk about not knowing what I was doing. It was a total fiasco.”
    “What happened?”
    “It’s more like what didn’t happen.” She grimaced at the memory. “I’d booked a venue sight unseen