Free The Speed Queen by Stewart O’Nan Page A

earlier."
    "I noticed," I said.

    He was punching it between the lights. You could feel that 455 through the seats. It was like riding a motorcycle. Around ninety, the car seemed to grow lighter, to rise up on the frame like we might take off.
    I used some unnecessary language like I used to. "It's some nice machine."
    "It's all right. What I really want is a Super Bird."
    "With that ugly old spoiler?" I said. "Too expensive. What's wrong with a regular old Roadrunner?"
    "That or a GTX."
    "How 'bout a Super Bee?"
    "Same difference," he said.
    "You know it's not," I said.
    He said my name then. He might have said it before but this is the first time I heard it.
    "Marjorie," he said, "what kind of car did your daddy drive?"
    "My mom used to drive a Toronado," I said. "Now she drives a boat-tail Riviera. My dad drove a Continental."
    "There's a good-sized car," he said, like I'd passed a test, and I knew I had him. I could do anything with him I wanted to.
    He was going to drop me off, but Garlyn and Joy weren't home yet, so I invited him in. The dishes were like an earthquake around the sink. I set my purse on the kitchen table. The pint was right in the box of peas where I'd left it. I reached in to get it, and he held me from behind. The freezer let off steam. His hands ran up my front. The bottle stuck to my fingers.
    "We don't need that," he said.
    "It's not for we," I said, and broke the seal on it. I tipped it up and he kissed me on the throat. "You want some?" I said, and when he didn't look, I knocked the heel of it soft against his temple.
    He opened his eyes, then shook his head and kept going down.
    "More for me," I said, and took a sweet, hot swig.
    He picked me up with his arms around the backs of my thighs. I slapped the freezer shut before he carried me out of the room.
    "Where are we going?" I said.
    "How 'bout right here?" he said by the couch.
    "Nope," I said.
    I made him carry me around until he found my room.
    I turned on the smallest light. It was almost Halloween, and Garlyn had bought candy. On the floor beside my mattress was a mess of Reese's Cup wrappers and empty Pixie Sticks. The closet door was propped open by a pile of dirty clothes. I turned the light off and pushed him onto my bed and took a slug before joining him.
    We were in the middle of it when I heard the back door close. I'd forgotten that Joy and Garlyn would be getting home. I was on top, still sipping that last precious inch. I couldn't reach the door to close it, so I said, "Hang on," and popped off him.
    "No," he said, and when I got back he was useless. The air was cold on me. We both said some unnecessary things.
    We didn't go anywhere though. Garlyn and Joy were banging around the kitchen, trying to make something. We just started talking. It wasn't uncomfortable. I had a stash of Reese's cups keeping cold on the windowsill, and we laid there eating them, holding hands and watching the headlights cross the wall. I had a picture of my dad in the winner's circle with Unlikely Guide, a big blanket of roses over him. Lamont got up out of bed and looked at it. The headlights made his back white as a statue, his skinny hips.
    "Come here," I said.
    He turned to me and pointed at the picture. "Is this him?"

    "Yeah," I said. "Now come here."
    And that was the real first time. It wasn't great, it was only okay, but it meant something. I could tell it meant something, and back then not much did.

24
    My sexual fantasies. Do you mean now or back then?
    Now it would be having Lamont again, just for a night together, to hold him against me. That's the worst thing about the Row, you never touch anyone. In general population there's some relief. It's cruel and unusual, Darcy says.
    I guess I'd have him every way I could and in between we'd talk. We'd sleep. He was nice and warm in bed. If you were freezing, all he'd have to do was get in and you'd warm right up. It was just his metabolism. In the middle of the night, he'd have to throw the