Free Braden by Allyson James

perfected, like most things
on Bor Narga, including Shareem.
    “I wish I could make myself believe that,” Elisa said in
answer. “A natural reaction, never to occur again. A chance encounter and now
it’s over.” She clenched her hands. “But I want to see him again.”
    Not only for the sexual feelings Braden had awakened in her.
Elisa wanted to talk to him again, to simply hear his voice.
    “Are you asking for my permission for another encounter?”
    “I don’t know,” Elisa answered.
    Lady t’Lenka gave her a sympathetic smile. “My dear, I know
that choosing the Way of the Sky was difficult for you. I even know that you
made the decision in order to avoid an unpleasant marriage, not because you
craved the life of a celibate. I believe you will do well in the Way of the
Sky, but it must be a choice made for the right reasons.”
    Elisa sighed. “Meaning I should embrace the Way only because
I believe in it.”
    “Child, I will tell you a secret. I haven’t always been
eighty-odd years old.”
    Elisa returned her smile. “I know that, my lady. I’ve seen
the holopics of you when you first entered the order.”
    “Yes, but before that, when I was in my twenties, I was
quite a wild young woman. Sensual pleasure wasn’t as taboo on Bor Narga as it
is now. This was well before DNAmo developed Shareem. The creation of Shareem,
unfortunately, only fed the underlying paranoia the ruling women have about
becoming slaves to men in all but name, as our ancestors were. But when I was a
girl, there was more freedom, and I definitely did some wicked things.”
    Elisa found it difficult to imagine this woman with her
quiet, graceful movements going to wild parties and chasing men.
    “I see that you doubt,” Lady t’Lenka said. “But I had too
much money and I loved excitement—the rawer the better. If we’d had Shareem
then, I’d have taken up with them in a heartbeat. I tried every kind of liquor
and pleasure-seeking drug I could find, and I loved off-world men who were so
much more aggressive and sexual than our own males. I was shameless with them.”
    Elisa still found it difficult to imagine, but the sparkle
in the elderly woman’s eye told her that her words were true.
    “Why did you decide to follow the Way, then?” Elisa asked.
    “Because I woke up one morning, sprawled in someone’s
shower, having no idea where I was or what I’d done for the past three days—or
with whom, man or woman. I realized that I’d been striving for happiness with
recklessness. Recklessness, I realized, was killing me. I did much soul
searching and decided to look into one of the Ways. I didn’t make the final
choice to follow the path for a year or two. I wanted to be certain.”
    “Are you saying that I’m not certain?”
    “I’m saying you didn’t have time to be. You hadn’t any
intention of pursuing the ascetic life before your fiancé upset you, had you?”
    Elisa dropped her gaze. “To be honest, no.”
    “I knew that when I approved your application. But I
understood that you were the sort of young woman who would try very hard, and I
hoped for the best.” Lady t’Lenka unfolded herself from her cushion and came to
Elisa. She rested her hand comfortingly on Elisa’s head. “I want you to see
this Shareem, to follow your temptations, and then to make your choice.”
    Elisa looked up in astonishment. “You want me to seek
him?”
    “It’s what you came here to ask me, my dear, wasn’t it? For
a dispensation?”
    Yes, she had, though she hadn’t said so. Elisa had wanted to
talk around it with her, to assess how Lady t’Lenka would react before Elisa
asked. Wise Lady t’Lenka had seen right through her.
    “I grant you the dispensation,” Lady t’Lenka said. “For one
month. Go and see your Shareem, and do what you must. You will not be allowed
to wear the robes, or enter the order’s house, or in any way associate with the
Way until you have chosen one path or the other. That decision will