Free Good Vibrations (Welcome to Paradise) by S. L. Scott

until I arrive. Tonight, I wish she didn’t live so close to the main road. Mallory is too accessible, and I’m too weak to stay away. I couldn’t stop thinking about her after I dropped her off the morning after we hooked up, so seeing her at Big Kehones this afternoon felt like an opportunity. After watching her at the restaurant, I knew my initial thoughts were right. I needed to take that opportunity and explore it further.
    It didn’t matter that I’d been fighting to rid her from my memory for days. When I laid eyes on her again, every emotion resurfaced. I hate feeling out of control and she makes me feel that way, which pisses me off. I’ve worked too damn hard to let her in. My mind is at war with my heart because of her.
    I’m completely mind-fucked over this girl, and thoroughly disgusted that I let her affect me like this. I need to get control back, some perspective on the situation. I need to put closure to this mess, refusing to let her win me over. I always win, even if I have to cheat to do it. And yet, I drive by her place finding some semblance of peace just by being near her. After she chose Noah tonight, I know she won’t let me in, so I don’t bother trying. She’s probably not home anyway. I stick to the road, setting my cruise control and drive by slowly. When I near, my gaze shifts toward the apartment, hoping to see something—the TV on, her hanging with Noah, or any sign of her.
    My car veers into the parking lot, making a deliberate decision… maybe it’s my heart calling the shots, but this feels a lot like something I shouldn’t be doing, but can’t stop myself. Maybe this is what I do in life, feels like a familiar pattern of going against better judgment.
    I park, but don’t get out. That’s where I draw the line.
    My breath is stilled, knowing this is wrong. When did I become this person ? She’s done this to me. I can’t tell the guys. I’d never hear the end of it. Driving by seemed innocent enough, but now I’m parked in the shadows of the complex lot, hoping to get a view of her from thirty yards away. The lights are out, and I can only assume she’s asleep, so what more do I expect from doing this?
    Leaning my head back, I slump down in my seat, and close my eyes. Images of her fill my thoughts—images of being on that couch with her, and holding her. I was once in heaven. Now I’m in hell. I don’t know where I went wrong, but an unfamiliar feeling has hijacked my normally careless thoughts. I’m thinking its regret.
    Getting out of my car, I stumble forward, escaping that emotion. I pull out a cigarette and light up, inhaling the calming addiction deep into my lungs. I decided a long time ago that if I was going to smoke, I was gonna do it fully. No light cigarettes for me. Only full on tar, nicotine, tobacco, and whatever other shit they put in these to make them taste and feel so fucking fantastic. I smoke the entire cigarette then toss the butt into the air, deciding I’m not going to do this anymore, but not quite ready to leave.
    ~ Mallory ~
    “Mallory,” Noah whispers from above. “Mallory, wake up.”
    I open my eyes and gasp when I see him standing over me.
    “You fell asleep.”
    “Oh.” I sit up, regaining my bearings. “Oh, sorry.”
    “I didn’t wake you because the movie kind of sucked. You didn’t miss anything.” He sits next to me and rubs my back.
    There’s a clock ticking on the mantle, and my eyes flash to the numbers. It’s almost midnight. “I should head home,” I say.
    “I’ll drive you back.”
    We chat on the way, keeping it light considering the late hour. He has lots of good stories and we don’t lack for conversation, even joking at one point over the easiness of the relationship. The car idles when he stops in front of the apartment building. He angles his body toward me, and says, “Mallory, I know you were asleep half the time, but I had a good time anyway. I’d like to hang out again.”
    “I’d like that