Free The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

me! How very interesting! Tuppy, I want to talk to you.
(Lord Augustus takes no notice.)
    D UMBY . It’s no use talking to Tuppy. You might just as well talk to a brick wall.
    C ECIL G RAHAM . But I like talking to a brick wall—it’s the only thing in the world that never contradicts me! Tuppy!
    L ORD A UGUSTUS . Well, what is it? What is it?
(Rising and going over to Cecil Graham.)
    C ECIL G RAHAM . Come over here. I want you particularly.
(Aside.)
Darlington has been moralising and talking about the purity of love, and that sort of thing, and he has got some woman in his rooms all the time.
    L ORD A UGUSTUS . No, really! really!
    C ECIL G RAHAM .
(In a low voice.)
Yes, here is her fan.
(Points to the fan.)
    L ORD A UGUSTUS .
(Chuckling.)
By Jove! By Jove!
    L ORD W INDERMERE .
(Up by door.)
I am really off now, Lord Darlington. I am sorry you are leaving England so soon. Pray call on us when you come back! My wife and I will be charmed to see you!
    L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Up stage with Lord Windermere.)
I am afraid I shall be away for many years. Good-night!
    C ECIL G RAHAM . Arthur!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . What?
    C ECIL G RAHAM . I want to speak to you for a moment. No, do come!
    L ORD W INDERMERE .
(Putting on his coat.)
I can’t—I’m off!
    C ECIL G RAHAM . It is something very particular. It will interest you enormously.
    L ORD W INDERMERE .
(Smiling.)
It is some of your nonsense, Cecil.
    C ECIL G RAHAM . It isn’t! It isn’t really.
    L ORD A UGUSTUS .
(Going to him.)
My dear fellow, you mustn’t go yet. I have a lot to talk to you about. And Cecil has something to show you.
    L ORD W INDERMERE .
(Walking over.)
Well, what is it?
    C ECIL G RAHAM . Darlington has got a woman here in his rooms. Here is her fan. Amusing, isn’t it?
(A pause.)
    L ORD W INDERMERE . Good God!
(Seizes the fan—Dumby rises.)
    C ECIL G RAHAM . What is the matter?
    L ORD W INDERMERE . Lord Darlington!
    L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Turning round.)
Yes!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . What is my wife’s fan doing here in your rooms? Hands off, Cecil. Don’t touch me.
    L ORD D ARLINGTON . Your wife’s fan?
    L ORD W INDERMERE . Yes, here it is!
    L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Walking towards him.)
I don’t know!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . You must know. I demand an explanation. Don’t hold me, you fool.
(To Cecil Graham.)
    L ORD D ARLINGTON .
(Aside.)
She is here after all!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . Speak, sir! Why is my wife’s fan here? Answer me! By God! I’ll search your rooms, and if my wife’s here, I’ll—–
(Moves.)
    L ORD D ARLINGTON . You shall not search my rooms. You have no right to do so. I forbid you!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . You scoundrel! I’ll not leave your room till I have searched every corner of it! What moves behind that curtain?
(Rushes towards the curtain C.)
    M RS . E RLYNNE .
(Enters behind R.)
Lord Windermere!
    L ORD W INDERMERE . Mrs. Erlynne!
    (Every one starts and turns round. Lady Windermere slips out from behind the curtain and glides from the room L.)
    M RS . E RLYNNE . I am afraid I took your wife’s fan in mistake for my own, when I was leaving your house to-night. I am so sorry.
(Takes fan from him. Lord Windermere looks at her in contempt. Lord Darlington in mingled astonishment and anger. Lord Augustus turns away. The other men smile at each other.)
    ACT DROP

F OURTH A CT
    S CENE —Same as in Act I
.
    L ADY W INDERMERE .
(Lying on sofa.)
How can I tell him? I can’t tell him. It would kill me. I wonder what happened after I escaped from that horrible room. Perhaps she told them the true reason of her being there, and the real meaning of that—fatal fan of mine. Oh, if he knows—how can I look him in the face again? He would never forgive me.
(Touches bell.)
How securely one thinks one lives—out of reach of temptation, sin, folly. And then suddenly—Oh! Life is terrible. It rules us, we do not rule it.
(Enter Rosalie R.)
    R OSALIE . Did your ladyship ring for me?
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Yes. Have you found out at what time Lord