Free The Prom Goer's Interstellar Excursion by Chris McCoy

several glasses, the world brightens and the ego disappears—or so I’ve heard, I’m afraid my ego is a bit too large to ever be fully displaced—and the mind begins operating independently from the rest of the body,” said Skark. “It’s a marvelous liquid, and fully non-habit-forming, which is its finest quality.”
    â€œBut you’re all drinking it constantly,” I said.
    The band reacted like I had sprung a licensed interventionist on them.
    â€œ Easy there,” said Cad.
    â€œWhoa now, addiction is a strong word,” said Driver.
    â€œI didn’t say addiction ,” I said.
    â€œI’ve met addicts,” said Skark. “And we are not addicts.”
    â€œ All right , I’m sorry,” I said. “You’re right, I’m an outside observer, I don’t know anything about the dynamics of your band. And as much as I appreciate hearing about the difficulties of securing a record contract in the modern universe, I’m not here to go out on tour. I’m here because I’m looking for someone, and I need your help navigating that. ”
    I pointed out the window of the bus at the universe.
    I’d always imagined outer space would look a lot like it did through the telescope in my backyard—thousands of pinpoints of white light, with the occasional comet whizzing past—but the endless horizon here was glowing with clouds of electric blue gas and newborn galaxies shaped like seashells andred-and-purple nebulae that made me feel like I was staring into the eye of a god-sized feline. The universe was on fire with color.
    â€œHere’s my situation: On Friday, I’m supposed to go to prom with a girl I have wanted my entire life. She’s beautiful. She’s unique. She’s got the cutest laugh I’ve ever heard. She is cooler than me, and I still have no idea how she ended up agreeing to be my date. Everything was going perfect for once in my stupid life—and then she was abducted by aliens.”
    The members of the Perfectly Reasonable nodded their heads, seemingly unsurprised to hear Sophie’s fate.
    â€œWhat did the guys who grabbed her look like?” said Cad.
    â€œA lot like Driver, to be honest. No offense, Driver.”
    â€œNone taken. People always think I look like someone they know. I have one of those faces.”
    â€œThey had a van, and they tossed this stuff at her that looked like confetti and caused her to roll around on the ground.”
    â€œBrainsnuff,” said Driver. “It grows naturally on Jyfon, and incapacitates any creature with an IQ of less than two hundred.”
    â€œJyfon?”
    â€œThe planet where he’s from,” said Cad. “He’s a Jyfo.”
    â€œI hate to say this, but if your girl got kidnapped by the Jyfos, kiss her goodbye,” said Skark. “Or I suppose you should imagine yourself kissing her goodbye, because you’re not going to see her again.”
    â€œKnock it off, Skark,” said Cad. “The kid’s emotional.”
    â€œI don’t think the reality of the situation needs to be disguised from him,” said Skark.
    â€œWhat are you talking about?”
    With that, Skark explained that the Jyfos were a well-intentioned yet inept race—always trying to save and preserve species but accidentally destroying them in the process.
    To illuminate his point, he told a story about how, years before, the Newman Solar System had been suffering from mild solar warming. All the planets in the system had seen their surface temperatures tick up a couple of degrees, which concerned the Jyfos greatly, so to fix the problem, they simply blew up the solar system’s sun. This stopped the solar warming—and by definition also stopped the solar system from being a solar system—but rendered the thirteen planets in the system lifeless granite spheres floating forever in limbo, sailing silently across the