thatâs silly, I told him no first. Well, not no . Maybe . Almost the same thing, right?
âDo you have the car today?â I whisper.
He nods.
âMaybe you could give me a ride home?â I canât believe those words just came out of my mouth. What am I thinking?
His smile is back. âOkay.â
I feel my mouth pull into a smile to match his.
This whole situation with Justin makes me feel this huge burst of hope. But then I remember Trent and his girlfriend in the den when he gave her a ride home. Is that what Justin will expect?
Why didnât I think of that before I asked? I canât get in his car if thatâs what heâll want. Canât.
Itâs raining hard when school is over, but I have my raincoat, so Iâm good. The walk is short. I pull my hood up as I step out of the school.
âYouâre not trying to ditch me, are you?â Justinâs voice behind me is tinged with laughter.
âI â¦â I donât know what youâll expect from me if you give me a ride home .
âYou are â¦â Heâs still smiling. Thatâs good. âHave you still not figured out how irresistible I am?â
âWhat?â Is he serious?
âIâm kidding, Joy.â He shakes his head.
âItâs just â¦â
âAll I want is to talk with you outside of class. Just a ride. Iâll drop you off, and thatâs it.â He holds his hands out, palms up. âPromise.â
âThatâs it?â Iâm leaning toward him I want to believe him so bad; thereâs just this other side of me that knows weâre about to be in a car together, and Iâm not sure thatâs a good idea.
âYeah. Totally not a big deal. Just a ride.â
Okay. Totally no big deal. I can do this. Now I just need to say something. âWhereâs your car?â
âCome on.â He gestures toward the school lot with his head.
We walk together through the downpour to a sad, faded black car.
âSo, this is it.â He opens the passenger door for me.
âCool.â That feels like the right thing to say.
He chuckles. âNot so much, no. But itâs what I could afford.â He closes the door behind me and gets in on his side.
I take in a deep breath. Okay, Iâm okay. Iâm in a car, alone with a boy. I try to take another breath and itâs shaky. âI need my window down.â
He pauses. âItâs cold outside. And raining.â
âPlease?â Iâd rather ask him for something crazy than hyperventilate.
The small car rattles as the engine warms up and I roll my window down. As insane as having the window down seems, or, I guess, as insane as it is , I have an escape so I feel okay in here. Iâm so not putting needs an open window on my list of crazy things. Iâm in the car. That counts for something.
âYouâre really quiet.â
âYouâre just now noticing?â Listen to me, teasing him and everything. I definitely need to call Lydia.
âNo. Weâve been in school for two months, and it took me that long to ask you out, and then you sort of said no.â Weâre in a line of cars waiting to get out of the school parking lot.
âI said maybe,â I correct him.
âWhy didnât you say yes?â he asks as he gives me a glance.
âI ⦠I donât know.â Mostly because Iâm still scared.
âItâs cool weâre talking though.â
âWhat?â
âIâve just ⦠Iâve wanted to talk since you came to school, but ⦠I guess Iâm a coward or something.â He smiles.
Iâm not sure what to make of him yet. âOh.â
The line inches forward, and Justin flips on the radio, tapping his steering wheel to the beat. I watch, envious at how relaxed he seems.
We finally pull out of the lot and onto the roadway.
âWanna get a hot chocolate or a coffee or something