Free How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy by Charles Fudgemuffin Page B

to have got dropped off at the car park at the start of the Mount Helvellyn hike, but Jixyl and Azleev explained that this would create too great a risk of their spaceship being spotted by multiple witnesses.  And besides, the car park probably wasn’t quite big enough to fit the spaceship anyway, so they landed once again at the flat bit of land next to Red Tarn just below the peak of Helvellyn.
    A few seconds later Eric emerged from the spaceship and walked a metre or so before looking back at Jixyl and Azleev, and raising his hand in a sort of cool acknowledgement.  Jixyl and Azleev responded by giving him an uncool wave back.
    “Actually you don’t wanna be waving, like,” Eric advised.  “That’s more like what old untrendy people would do.  Just do what I did and raise your hand sort of nonchalantly.”  He raised his hand once again to demonstrate and Jixyl and Azleev returned the gesture, not looking quite as cool as Eric but nevertheless looking slightly less uncool than they did a few moments earlier when they waved.
    “Right, then.  Well cheers for showing uz Suzuka and Everest and all that,” Eric thanked.  “And, like, if you’re ever on Earth again then we’ll have to meet up again for a few beers.  Well … a few beers for me and a few diquintenols for you.”
    “Yeah, definitely,” Jixyl agreed.
    “Anyway, nice meeting you,” Azleev added, “but next time if you could maybe try not to start things off by kicking uz in the stomach it’d be appreciated.”
    “Aye, soz,” Eric chuckled.
    “Actually Azleev…” Jixyl remarked, as an idea appeared in his head.  “You should give Eric your Nukol 4460 … just so we can keep in touch.”
    “Do your mobile phone’s work all the way across the galaxy, like?” Eric inquired.
    “Aye,” Jixyl replied.  “Some parts of the galaxy you don’t get very good reception, though.  But on Earth we’ve been getting class reception, like.”
    “I’m not giving him my phone,” Azleev objected.  “Give him yours.”
    “Well I would but I’ve already got a good phone,” Jixyl reasoned, “whereas you could do with an upgrade so you might as well give Eric your old 4460 and then get yourself a new one.”
    “Nar, I like my 4460,” Azleev protested.  “Besides, mine’s on contract, whereas yours is just Pay As You Go.”
    “But yours hasn’t even got G.O.T. 2.0, man!” Jixyl argued.  “How can you manage without lip synching imagery?”
    “I’m not fussed about lip synching imagery,” Azleev insisted.  “It’s just what I’m used to.”
    Jixyl tutted.  “I can’t believe you can walk round with that antique and not feel embarrassed by it, like.”
    “It was a good phone in its day,” Azleev remarked.
    “Aye but it s day was 3.19726027 years ago,” Jixyl smirked.  “Here then, Eric,” he remarked, as he removed his mobile from his pocket.  “You can have mine … seeing as how Azleev is being a tight wad.”  Eric’s eyes widened at the prospect of the generous gift of alien technology.  “There’s just one condition, though.  Don’t go showing it around to everybody.  Like we’ve said, Earth’s a non-contact planet at the moment so we don’t want loads of people sussing that there’s loads of other inhabited planets in the galaxy.”
    “Ar, no worries,” Eric agreed.  “I wouldn’t have showed it to anyone anyway.  Cos like I said, if I started going on about aliens, people would think I was mental and I don’t want people to think I’m mental, like.”
    “Sound then,” Jixyl replied.  “I’ll just run you through the features first, though.”  He firstly showed Eric how to work the G.O.T., then he showed him how to get on the G.I.N. [16] , but cautioned him not to use that very much as it was a total rip-off and he only had five hundred credits (roughly equivalent to about ten pounds) left on the phone.  Jixyl then ran Eric through a few of the phone’s other features but it had so