Free How To Save The World: An Alien Comedy by Charles Fudgemuffin

the fun of Jixyl’s little trick had worn off, Jixyl and Azleev took a couple of anti-diquins and then took the blood sample from Eric, which as promised was only a thimbleful.
    And then they were ready to go for the fly about that Eric had requested.
    “So where d’you wanna go, then?” Azleev asked.
    “Can we go to Suzuka Circuit?” Eric suggested.
    “Where’s that?” Azleev inquired.
    “In Japan,” Eric replied.  “I’m a big formula 1 fan and Suzuka’s a classic track.  Well it was before Bernie [14] kicked it off the calendar for a few extra shekels.”
    “Aye, no worries then,” Jixyl agreed.  “I’m warning you mind, the spaceship’s so fast that it probably won’t feel like flying to you.  It’ll just seem like teleporting cos it’s so fast.”
    “Ar, cool!” Eric enthused.
    So the three of them strolled through to the control room and sat themselves down.
    “Here we go.  Hold tight,” Azleev cautioned.  He pressed a few buttons and the spaceship began to rise slowly upwards.  Eric was slightly disappointed to discover that there were no futuristic engine noises to accompany their ascent – in fact the take-off was pretty much silent – but he was still nonetheless totally buzzing with excitement.
    “Flip!” he exclaimed.  “Ar, this is gonna be class, this, like!”  Azleev then pressed another button and the spaceship began to accelerate slowly forward until they were going about sixty miles per hour.
    “Canny impressive, eh?” Jixyl remarked.
    “ This isn’t top speed, though, is it?” Eric inquired, slightly bemused.
    “Top speed?” Jixyl replied, his eyebrows raised to indicate Eric would have to be a complete fool to even suggest such a thing.  “Course not!  We’ve had eighty m.p.h. out of it in a low-gravity atmosphere.”
    “Eighty miles per hour?” Eric repeated, looking shocked and confused.  “That’s rubbish, that, like.”
    “Just ignore Jixyl.  He’s just having a joke,” Azleev then explained, with a sly smirk on his face.  “We’ll hit top speed in a few seconds.”
    “I thought it seemed a bit slow, like,” Eric acknowledged.  Azleev then pressed another button and in a matter of seconds they were at Suzuka Circuit, and in a further ten seconds they had completed the landing procedure.
    “Flip!  That was mad, that, like!” Eric exclaimed.  “How come we didn’t get flung out of our seats with the force of the acceleration?” he asked.
    “The inside of the ship is fitted with an anti-grav field,” Azleev explained.
    “Ar, cool!” Eric enthused.
    And then, within another minute or so, he was outside the spaceship and standing on Suzuka Circuit.  Due to the time difference it was dark and there was nobody about, but the darkness didn’t diminish Eric’s excitement in the slightest.
    “Ar, class!  Suzuka Circuit!” he beamed.  “What a total buzz!  I’m standing on Suzuka Circuit!”
    “It’s just a track,” Jixyl shrugged, looking slightly puzzled at Eric’s excitement and enthusiasm.
    “Aye, but it’s Suzuka Circuit, man!” Eric explained.
    “Ar, Suzuka Circuit!” Jixyl replied, with mock enthusiasm.  “Ar, you hadn’t mentioned it.  Ar, right.  Class!  Get in!”
    At that moment they were standing at the ‘S’ bends, but Eric wanted to visit the rest of the track.
    “Can we go to Spoon [15] as well?” he asked, like a little kid visiting Disneyland.
    “Where’s that?” Azleev inquired.
    “It’s just the other side of the track,” Eric replied.  “It’s probably about a mile away.”
    “Well, is it not just the same as this part of the track, like, is it?” Jixyl questioned.
    “Nar, course not,” Eric remonstrated.  “Spoon’s sort of spoon shaped, whereas the S Bends are sort of S shaped.”
    “Ar, it’s spoon-shaped!  Ar, get in!  Totally exciting!” Jixyl mocked.
    “If you were a formula 1 fan you’d understand,” Eric replied.
    But Jixyl and Azleev decided to humour Eric