if you don’t like it, I’ll never talk to you about it again.”
There was a long silence. Tasha really wanted to spend the evening with her good buddies Jim Beam and Jack Daniels. Nevertheless, there was something playing around in the back of her mind. It was a feeling that maybe she had a compulsion, an overpowering desire to drink. That the only way to quell the urge was to do it, over and over again. Needless to say, she would always experience the same results. Lying in bed, wondering what she had dragged home with her the night before. The sweats. The shaking. She would always say she would never drink again. She would pray to some evasive deity and make false promises to herself as she leaned over the toilet bowl. She would do the same thing over and over again and expect different results which, as a very wise person once noted, is the very definition of insanity.
“Alright. I’ll go.” She finally said, breaking the silence.
“Great. I’ll be over at your house about 6 o’clock then. Meeting is at 6:30.”
“Hey, I don’t want to share anything though. Leave me out of that.”
“You don’t have to share. It isn’t a requirement. Just listen if you want.” Clutch laughed.
They signed off and, as Tasha walked to her car, she wondered how it felt to not be compelled to drink. How would it be to really just take it or leave it. She shook her head as she crossed the college parking lot. She realized that concept was completely foreign to her.
It was straight up 6o’clock when Tasha heard her doorbell ring. Clutch had been true to his word. “Ya ready?” he asked as she opened the door and grabbed her purse. “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.” They rode to the church in silence. Tasha was feeling a little nervous but was trying her best to hide it. Apparently, she wasn’t trying hard enough. “You scared?” Clutch asked as they pulled into the parking lot. “Nah….well….maybe a little.” She answered. “Relax. You’re gonna be fine.” There were several people walking into the church and, Tasha noted, it looked like there might be a crowd. She gazed across the church parking lot and noticed a rotund woman waddling toward the church. “Jesus.” Tasha exclaimed. “Is she in the program?” Clutch glanced toward where she was looking. “Oh yeah. That’s Sharon B. Been in the program longer than I have.”
“Fat lotta good it’s done her.” Tasha said and chuckled under her breath.
“Hey, Tasha. When we go in there, how about leaving the smartass at the door Okay?”
“Sure.”
“Besides that, she’s a great person. Tells a hell of a story. If you pursue this, she would make a good sponsor. She’s got a lot of good long time sobriety.”
“Look, I’m not ready to talk sponsors or anything like that. I’ve not even made it in the door yet, Clutch.”
“Sorry. I just really want you to get this.”
They walked in and found a seat toward the back. The sanctuary was almost full. Tasha noticed that there were folks there of all different types of backgrounds. Some folks were in uniforms. Clearly, they had just come straight from work. A man sitting fairly close to her was in mechanic’s clothes with grease stains on his shirt. Off to the front of her, a man was dressed in a suit and tie. He looked like an accountant type. In a few minutes, a woman appeared at the front of the church. She offered a few announcements and then asked if anyone wanted to share. A young man who didn’t even look old enough to drink raised his hand and began to speak. “I’m Joey and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Hi, Joey.” The crowd said in unison.
Tasha glanced over at Clutch. He was totally immersed in what Joey was saying. Tasha tried to listen but she kept on being pulled into observing folks. She watched young and old as they listened to the various stories. As the meeting ended at 7:30, she grabbed her bag and followed Clutch to the door.
“You want to stick around and meet some