Free Blaze of Silver by K. M. Grant

must serve God as well as your king even if his requests take strange forms and do not fit in with your plans. A vocation is a precious thing. God will not like it to be squandered. Could you not send the girl with somebody else? There is surely no need to go yourself.”
    â€œThat would never work,” Will said, viciously kicking a log in the fire. “Marissa’s so difficult and I’m responsible for her. If anybody takes her it must be me. But I can’t leave the ransom treasure, either. Where I go, it must go, so couldn’t you just talk to Marissa and try to tell her that she must wait?”
    â€œDoes she want to talk to me?”
    â€œNo.” Will could not lie.
    The abbot thought for a moment. “Can you be surethat if she says she will wait, she will spend her time in prayer and contemplation?”
    Will shook his head.
    â€œThen you must take her, my son. The king’s ransom is important, but so is God’s work. Maybe,” Hugh suggested, “you could deposit her not at Fontevraud but in the new abbey of St. Martin’s at Arnhem? That is directly on your way. They need recruits, and my sister Agnes is the sacristan there. The abbess is a true woman of God. And you may yet be surprised. With the right training Marissa may make a good nun.” Hugh got up. With not very good grace, Will kneeled for his blessing. “Hopeless,” he said to Ellie after he had sent the abbot, with gifts, back to the abbey. Ellie said nothing. She did not want Marissa to come on their journey, yet the girl’s unhappiness upset her.
If only Marissa were more like Marie
, Ellie thought, then chided herself for being so uncharitable. Marissa might be an irritating and even dangerous nuisance but nobody could deny her bravery and bravery was needed, too. And Ellie had never had to face being an old spinster.
    In the early morning, Will asked Marissa again to wait and again she refused. An hour later he gave in and received her strange little smile in return. “I’m sure I shall be happy at Arnhem with the abbot’s sister,” she said, “so long as I can get to Fontevraud in the end. After all, that’s the best convent for discarded noblewomen to end up in. They say it is where Queen Eleanor herself will go eventually.”
    â€œYou are not being discarded,” said Will, angrily rising to her bait.
    â€œWell, you don’t want me, do you?”
    â€œOh, for pity’s sake, Marissa! I thought we had been through all that.”
    To his discomfort her eyes filled with tears. “But I have no function here,” she said plaintively. “That’s the trouble. Ellie’s her own mistress, Marie will marry Hal eventually, and I am just the kind of spare girl who moulders away and everybody’s relieved when they die. Even if you give me a dowry, who’s going to marry me? I’ve got no land and I limp. Who’ll want me, Will? Tell me that.”
    Will was embarrassed by the look she gave him. “You must be ready to go in two hours,” he said shortly, “and remember, Marissa, there will be no turning back.” He felt quite out of his depth. Again he missed his father’s gruff good sense, and went outside to Hosanna.
    After he had gone, Marissa sat in silence. She had got what she wanted. She was not going to be left behind. As she dried her eyes her arrogance returned. Who knew, they might never get to Arnhem, and even if they did, nobody could make her stay. Standing up, she toyed with the idea of rescuing her ruby brooch and was thwarted only by finding the chest locked.
Never mind
, she consoled herself,
at least I am going with it
. And with that she hurried away to pack.

9
    Marie cried as they were leaving, which upset Hal. Old Nurse clucked and took the girl under her wing, all the time glaring at Marissa, who was now settling herself in comfort in a covered wagon and looking as innocent as an angel.