Free Regret Not a Moment by Nicole McGehee

by others as friends. But their relationship had never developed into real friendship. Helena’s insecurity prevented her from giving Devon the trust necessary for friendship. Helena had always felt like a failure in comparison with Devon and had thus behaved at times with hostility, at times with prickly defensiveness. Devon, not the sort to tolerate unfriendly behavior, was simply indifferent to Helena. But sometimes, when events occurred that reminded her of Helena’s insecurity, Devon felt sorry for her.
    “Don’t,” Helena said in a pained voice. “Don’t feel sorry for me. You always have and I can’t bear it.”
    Devon, embarrassed, was silent. She groped for words that would give Helena confidence without sounding condescending. Studying the redhead, whose downcast eyes were brimming with tears, Devon realized that she was quite attractive. Marriage had allowed her to adopt styles of hair and dress that were somewhat bolder than those appropriate for a single woman, and the change suited her.
    “Helena, there’s no reason anyone should pity you. You’re very attractive. And there’s no reason for Brent to look outside his marriage for… anything. Believe me, he has never, in any way, indicated to me that he is not perfectly happy with you. Of course he still likes me. We’ve been friends all our lives. But I’m certain I would know if he loved me. Don’t forget, his relationship with me ended months before he began to court you.”
    “I know. But some people said there were… reasons… reasons other than love that he married me.”
    “As I said before, it’s foolish to listen to gossip. No one can know more about Brent than you, his wife. Isn’t that right?”
    “That’s right, I suppose,” Helena said, with hope in her voice.
    “And has he ever been anything but loving toward you?”
    “No… I suppose not.” Helena hesitated a moment, then went on. “Except the night of the dinner party at our house. The way he talked to you… and that day… the day of the hunt… you and he were riding together.”
    “Helena, if you’ll pardon me for saying so, I think you’re allowing your own doubts to make you see things that aren’t there. Brent is a natural flirt, but I don’t think he treats me any differently from any other woman, now does he?”
    Devon saw that Helena was reflecting on the question. After a few moments, the redhead’s face cleared, as though she had just learned a piece of good news. “You know, Devon, I think you’re right! I think Brent does treat everyone that way. I never really paid attention before. I was always so concerned with your… previous… relationship.”
    “You see!” Devon said excitedly. She had forgotten her anger at Helena and was happy to have found a solution to the other woman’s problem.
    Then Helena’s face fell. “But at the hunt,” she said, “he looked at you with such admiration. He wanted to ride with you. Oh, Devon, you just don’t see—”
    “I see that you’re being silly, Helena,” Devon interrupted in a stern tone. “I see that Brent looks at my father with admiration when he takes a jump particularly well. He admires my riding. Maybe he even admires me. But he is married to you and I’m sure he loves you.”
    Tears of emotional release, as well as remorse, were streaming down Helena’s face. “Yes… yes, I see what you mean.” She paused a moment and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. When she lifted her face again, it had cleared. “I think you must be right,” she said, her tone tremulous but more cheerful. “Oh, Devon, will you ever forgive me for being so stupid… and for causing your accident?”
    “Of course. If you promise to keep those silly notions out of your head for good.” Devon was touched in spite of herself. The other woman was exasperating, maybe foolish, but she had bared her soul to Devon and Devon could only respond with kindness.
    In her elation, Helena did not measure her next