Free Liaden Universe [19] - Alliance of Equals - eARC by Steve Miller, Sharon Lee

afraid . He absorbed his duty, learned what he must do and the manner of it. He drilled; he danced; and sometimes, in the evening, when drills and dance and lessons were done, he would sit and draw pictures of home: certain of the cats, Jeeves, the east flower garden, the stream, and the stepping stones…
    Of them all, each holding duties far more terrible than her own…only Padi yos’Galan was afraid. Sometimes, in the night, she was so overcome with fear that she cried under the blankets; her fist stuffed in her mouth, lest she wake Quin, who had sharp ears, even in sleep. Not that Quin would mock her, but he was her pilot. He would question her ability to do her duty—rightly so. He might properly bring his concern to Grandfather, who would—what? There was no one else to take Padi’s duty. Grandfather held a third-class license; Cousin Kareen was no pilot at all. She was Quin’s copilot; that duty was hers, and hers alone, and she could not let fear cripple her.
    “Ah!”
    The cry woke her, and she sat up, chest heaving with sobs, her face wet with tears. Lights came up, illuminating her familiar quarters on the Passage —where her screen, stylus, and boots were all floating significantly above the surfaces where they been resting when she sought her bunk.
    No! Not here, not now!
    She covered her face with her hands, and swallowed, taking a deep breath against the sobs, just as she had done, the night she had decided, on the Rock, what she must do with her fear.
    That night, she had completed a pilot’s breathing exercise, and when the sobs had subsided, she had lain down and run the Rainbow, telling herself at the end of the sequence not to sleep, but to arise, with sharpened senses, and go to the practice room.
    She had done that, without waking anyone, and there, she had danced. In her mind’s eye, she had danced inside her room at the end of the Rainbow, and her dancing had built a closet, made of stone. She had stepped into the closet and screamed out all her fear and all her tears. When she was empty, she exited, and locked the closet behind her.
    Aboard the Passage , with less than two hours until the end of her sleep shift, she could not go to any of the practice rooms. The ship would note her deviation from schedule, and alert Father, or the captain, or the officer on duty. She would have to explain herself, and it was the last thing she wanted to tell anyone—least of all Father—that she was a coward—and that she had lied to him.
    So, then.
    Shivering, but no longer crying, Padi slipped out of her bunk. She glared at her boots, which were floating at about the level of her nose, breathed in, and snapped, “ Behave !”
    They hit the floor with a solid thump. Behind her she heard the stylus strike the desktop and roll, and her screen settle with a bump.
    Padi looked about her quarters. Far too cramped here for menfri’at.
    But it was not, she thought suddenly, too cramped to dance daibri’at . For focus, was it? And to make her aware of her intent?
    Yes, certainly.
    The closet had weakened since its creation. She would reinforce it; make it so strong that the fear would never break free again.
    She took a breath, brought her imaginary ball in front of her heart, and called upon her intentions.

CHAPTER SIX
    Dutiful Passage
    Andiree Approach

    They had made good use of their hours together, Shan thought with a certain satisfaction, as he settled in behind his desk. No doubt, it was very wrong of him to wish that they had hours—even days!—more ahead of them.
    “Which, of course, you do,” he told himself, as he opened his mail queue. “Or so one trusts. Viewed correctly, in fact, this small interlude of labor provides an opportunity for you to recruit your strength.”
    Priscilla was on the bridge, as a captain ought to be, during breakout. Soon enough, he would himself be on the trade bridge, eager ’prentice in attendance, and the entire Port of Andiree clamoring to do business with