Free The Hired Wife by Cari Hislop

poked the
footman in the stomach with her cane. “Inform the young ladies
we’ve come to collect them. Hurry up man. I won’t have a measly
footman ruining my outing. Go!”

    “Please allow
me to inform his Lordship…ouch!”

    Rubbing his
head the footman fled upstairs hoping the young ladies would be
down in time to avert the master’s displeasure as the old woman
lowered her cane and cocked her head. “What is making that
disgusting sound? It sounds like people kissing.” The old woman
tapped towards the parlour with her son at her heels. “Heaven
preserve us!” Lady Catherine peered at the kissing couple through
her lorgnette in disgust. “I haven’t seen such a disgusting display
since serving Queen Charlotte. The King used to spend hours making
love to his wife in front of the court as if they were alone. It
was all one could do to keep down one’s dinner. That was before he
started barking, swearing and chewing up the carpets. I always knew
this foolish love nonsense was linked to madness. I hope you know I
never once kissed your father.”

    Marshall was
rudely severed from a passionate kiss as his wife jerked in horror
towards the door before hiding her red face in his shoulder. The
two people in the doorway were both ogling Marshal as if he were an
exotic animal on display. “What the blazes are you doing in my
house? Blast! What did they say Merry?”

    “Lady Morley
has come for your sisters; she’s organised a picnic at
Chelsea.”

    “No one
mentioned a picnic to me.” Marshall watched his school friend
saunter over to him with all the grace of a barn cat on the trail
of a mouse.

    “Didn’t Aunt
Beatrice invite you? I didn’t know of the planned amusement until I
was roused from my bed and commanded to dress. The horrors of being
a bachelor…I see you’ve discovered one of the delights of
husbandry.” Lord Morley caught Mary’s wary glance and smiled as he
lowered his voice to a whisper only she would hear, “An enchanting
performance my dear. Play it right and Lord Beast will be eating of
your bejewelled hand.”

    “Stop
whispering at my wife!”

    “I merely said
your kisses have transformed her. She looks almost fetching with
her lips rouged from your excessive admiration. I’m almost tempted
to see if she tastes as sweet as…”

    “Touch my wife
and I’ll kill you.”

    “Those which
are jealous, most part, if they be not otherwise relieved, proceed
from suspicion to hatred, from hatred to frenzy, madness, injury,
murder, and despair.”

    “Don’t start
quoting Burton at me or I’ll pummel your sneering lips.”

    “She sets you
all afire with her voice, her hand, her walk…”

    “I didn’t give
you permission to enter my house, go away I’m kissing my wife.”

    “Mother is
unaccustomed to waiting.”

    The old woman
tapped her cane against the floor, “I can’t abide waiting, where
are those two brats? I told them to be ready.”

    “Beautiful
young ladies will and must take time to reassure themselves they
are fit to enslave any casual pedestrian. Are you coming with us
Marshall or staying home to waste away the afternoon ‘on’ your
wife?”

    “It’s none of
your business what I do with my afternoon.”

    “You needn’t
shout Marshall; I’m ten inches away not ten miles.” Marshal was
oblivious to the approaching storm as the two sisters raced down
the stairs with screams of delight. “I hope we have a peaceful
journey this morning. Buckingham is no doubt camped out along Kings
Road looking out for my carriage waiting to kidnap your sisters. He
begged to be included in the company, but I told him mother was
serving rabbit crêpes and that I didn’t think it faire on the other
guests. When he asked me how his presence had any relevance to the
menu I told him he looked like a skinned rabbit. I swear the man
hopped away with tears in his eyes. Oh here they are, the beauteous
Godfrey sisters. Come here and let me kiss your cheeks. You should
have