Free Unfaithfully Yours by Nigel Williams Page A

up.
    ‘God,’ I heard her say, ‘I love it when you put your hands round my throat!’
    It was still hard to make out Mr Price’s response (I have not bothered to try to transcribe his replies) but he said something that sounded like ‘Gy guh gucking goo!’
    To which Mrs Dimmock replied, ‘Did Pamela Larner like that?’ He did not answer this comment but she went on to say – and I have this comment on tape too so I did not mishear the remark, ‘Did you strangle her?’ He did not answer this. She went on, ‘I bet you wanted to kill her, didn’t you? I must say I wanted to kill her. Odious woman. With her pointy breasts and her three children who could all read at three months and were all going to Oxford. I would have wanted to kill her. You can tell me. I shan’t mind. Good riddance, I say.’
    There was a pause and then she added, ‘She said I had a big bottom.’
    His only answer – which was cut off by the return of Mr Dimmock – was, ‘Gat’s ger woh hun I e’er hagg i’ a genckiss care!’ A remark I still do not completely understand.
    When I was sure the ‘coast was clear’, I went out again and re-entered the premises, after first pressing the bell.
    I think we now have definitive proof of his adultery and, should you wish to use this material in a legal context, divorce or custody settlement or simply to confront him with it before trying to ‘make a go’ of your marriage, I am at your disposal. I will say, however, that ‘making a go’ of any relationship with the fiend to whom you are so unfortunately yoked will be a difficult task.
    If you wish me to investigate the circumstances surrounding the death of this mysterious woman ‘Pamela Larner’, if it should turn out to be murder and if your husband had anything to do with it, he should obviously be punished. I think Mr Price is owed at least fifteen to twenty years in a maximum-security prison. Though he might do rather well in that kind of place!
    I do, however, appreciate that you may not wish to learn anything more unpleasant about Mr Price and, if you feel I have ‘done my job’ I enclose my bill for your kind attention. As you will notice, your cash advance did not quite cover all the time I have spent on this case. I hope you will feel I have been ‘fair’. I have not charged you for my dental expenses for the exploration of a (fictional) gum disorder or for my time in rehearsals of
Hamlet
– although were I to allow myself the luxury of billing for this difficult task, it is not easy to think of an amount of money that would fully compensate! It bids fair to be one of the worst productions of the play ever seen anywhere in the world!
    Best wishes
    Roland O. Gibbons
    PS I have now been asked to play the part of Horatio in
Hamlet
. I get the impression that if a Labrador wandered in off the street they would offer it a part. Mind you, I think a Labrador would make a better job of Laertes than the bloke who is now playing the part. He is called Norman Staines and he cannot seem to remember his lines. He keeps moaning about having to ‘go to the hospital’ but I cannot see anything wrong with him. He seems to be a buddy of Mr Price’s – since your husband is unusually pleasant and almost protective towards him. I have accepted the part but do not feel I am right for it. I personally fancied the Norwegian ambassador role, which is less demanding but has been cut – along with many other things, including the ‘To be or not to be’ speech!

     
    From:
    Elizabeth Price
    PO Box 132
    Putney
    6 September
    To:
    Roland O. Gibbons
    Gibbons Detective Agency
    12 The Alley
    Putney, SW15
    Dear Mr Gibbons,
    My word, you have been busy!
    I have only just returned to Putney, and thank you for your last letter. I say ‘letter’ – it was quite a parcel! I have now viewed your footage, some of which has been filmed really superbly and, for me, recalled some of the most pungent moments in documentary
noir
. The sequence in