Free A Handicap of the Devil? by Allen Lyne Page A

grass and off you go.” God went quickly to the back door. He paused with his hand on the door handle and turned to Peter. “Far out, man! You'd think I was obfuscatory or something.” He went out, muttering something about being late for another appointment.
    Bugs and Thumper ate their fill on the front lawn before they returned to Earth. The grass was the nicest they had ever eaten. It was just ... heavenly.
* * * *
    Bugs looked smugly at Jonathan. “We saw God last Tuesday when we went to heaven."
    "God took you up to heaven to talk to you?"
    "Yes. He said that if he stopped winding the world up, you'd all die. Then he said you'd probably blow yourselves up anyway, so all the rabbits have to dig nice, deep burrows and hibernate in them while people all die out."
    "He said He'd wind the world up again then, and we'd inherit it.” Thumper was exaggerating what God had actually said.
    "God told you all of this?"
    Thumper ignored the question. Again she put words into God's mouth. “There are three intelligent species on Earth, Netherland-Dwarfs, dolphins and people. God can't decide whether dolphins or people run second."
    "You're not a complete species. Netherland-Dwarfs are part of a species."
    "All the rabbits will survive. Netherland-Dwarfs will rule. ” Bugs was almost shouting. “Our mother said we're the only ones who count."
    "How do you know so much? Did God tell you all this?"
    "Some of it, but God's given us the power to read and understand what people say. We read the newspapers now, when Mrs. O'Reilly chucks them in the shed after she's finished with them.” Thumper shifted position slightly to see Jonathan better. “And we watch television in the guests’ lounge. We know all sorts of things you don't know we know."
    Jonathan was unsure if reading newspapers or watching television qualified rabbits, or any other beings, to be adjudged to have knowledge. He wondered if Bugs and Thumper had it right about being the likely inheritors of the Earth. They were certainly meek. The meek shall inherit the Earth.... But all animals are geared to flee or fight, and rabbits are most definitely geared to fleeing. But despite what these two bunnies said, Jonathan was unconvinced that they were really at the top of the evolutionary scale.
    These thoughts stemmed from an article he once read in ‘Rabbit's Forever'magazine. It pointed out that rabbits are not always the best problem solvers. They aren't really deep thinkers and never plan too far ahead. They don't have the brains for it. This was a result of the static nature of their dinner. A dog or a cat is a hunting animal. Its dinner is likely to be on the move—or at least it used to be before ‘meaty bites’ and tinned tuna. These animals have evolved to be able to work out plans and strategies to trap their prey. The grass, weeds, bushes and other foliage that rabbits consume never moves anywhere. You don't have to plot to get a carrot, because it just sits there—growing—waiting for you to come along and nibble it.
    Jonathan ceased his musing and looked at both the bunnies in turn. Bugs now had her half-asleep look on her face, and Thumper was measuring him. Measuring was another thing they did constantly. They were forever standing on their hind legs measuring him with their whiskers, checking to see if his dimensions had changed since they last saw him.
    "Alright, whenever I need to contact God, I'll let you know."
    The bunnies both nodded and then hopped out of the room. As a parting shot Bugs said, “Don't forget to put fresh water in our bowl when you get our dinner."
    Jonathan was hurt again. In the two years the rabbits had lived with him, he had never failed to put fresh water in their bowl. Jonathan thought it odd that God would choose such self-centred creatures for so important a task.
    On their way outside, Bugs and Thumper almost bumped into Mrs. O'Reilly as she lurched through the house toward her cellar. She was in quest of another bottle