Free Sleep Deprived: *Warning: Some Scenes May Disturb by Dawn Cano Page A

I'm needed, whilst Claire sleeps. Of course, when she's awake, she always receives my full attention.
    That particular day saw her awake more than usual, which bothered me as I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Truth be told, I hadn't been sleeping well for a couple of months, and it was beginning to take its toll on me. I spent my nighttime hours sitting up in bed, on the laptop, researching the effects of sleep deprivation instead of sleeping, and the longer I went without sleep, the worse my symptoms became. Headaches, irritability, memory lapses and depression were all too familiar to me and getting worse each day. Thank fuck the more serious symptoms like hallucinations and seizures haven't started yet. Anyway, Claire is, excuse me, was a small child, weighing only around 5 kilograms at nearly five months old, so toting her around with me usually wasn't a problem. However, as tired as I was, I just didn't feel like carrying her all over the house with me.
    As I puttered around the house with Claire seated firmly on my right hip, I thought I felt a tickle in my right ear. I casually brushed the feeling away, looking at the baby in the process. Claire stared back at me with an impassive look on her tiny face.  Then, the feeling returned, reminding me of someone gently blowing in my ear. Again, I brushed off the sensation, choosing to ignore it rather than pursue its cause. We walked into the bathroom, when I decided it was bath time for little Claire. Baths always made her sleep better - I couldn't help but wish they had the same effect on me.
    I ran the bath water, checking the temperature with my wrist. She sat on my lap as I pulled her pink shirt over her head. I stood her up and took off her nappy and slowly placed her in the warm water. As I used the soft sponge to clean her, I noticed the small diamond-shaped birthmark on the nape of her neck. I remembered, that not too long ago, I used to love to tickle that spot because it would make her laugh. Today, I just wasn't in the mood. I made quick work of her bath and got Claire out of the tub, wrapping her in a fresh towel that was hanging from the rack. We walked back to her room, and I put her in a fresh nappy and clean white t-shirt.
    An hour or so passed and Claire finally began getting sleepy. I went to the kitchen and fetched a bottle from the refrigerator, heated it up under the warm tap, and placed her in the bassinet with the bottle; she fell asleep almost immediately.
    Leaving the door cracked, I tiptoed out of her room trying not to wake her, and headed down the long hallway to the living room. As I passed the large mirror hanging to my right, I stopped and stared at my reflection for a long time, wondering what had happened to me. I used to be an attractive woman in my mid-forties, who looked ten years younger. My once shiny, long brown hair was stringy and dull, and my light brown eyes appeared dull and lifeless. Fine lines had turned to deep wrinkles and I had more grey hair now than ever before. Did a lack of sleep really have this effect on the body?  With a deep sigh, I left my reflection behind and walked into the living room where I relaxed on the settee for a short while, enjoying the silence. It didn't take too long for my eyes to grow weary, when suddenly I heard my name in a whisper.
    Anna.
    Groggy, I sat up and listened.
    What was that? I thought.
    I listened for another moment, and hearing nothing more, leaned back against the settee where my eyes closed once again.
    Anna
    I bolted upright and sprinted down the hall to Claire's room. She lay sleeping peacefully in her bassinet, just as I'd left her. I stood staring at her for a moment before quietly leaving the room, and in that instant, I decided that I would not give myself the opportunity to fall asleep again, despite desperately needing the rest.
    I looked for things to do to keep myself awake and alert, and it wasn't long before Claire woke up. I walked into her room feeling more