Free Sleep Deprived: *Warning: Some Scenes May Disturb by Dawn Cano Page B

exhausted than ever before. As I lifted her from her bed, I heard the voice again.
    Anna
    “Yes,” I replied without thinking.
    You need sleep. She makes too much noise for you to rest.
    “No,” I said aloud.
    The voice stopped. Claire started crying. I gazed at the clock, realising that it was past time for her lunch. Unnerved, I took her to the kitchen and opened a jar of pea puree. I placed her in her seat and began absent-mindedly feeding her spoonfuls of the vegetable mush, but Claire didn't want the peas and kept turning her head away from the spoon. Smearing the peas all over her face. She soon became frustrated and slapped the spoon from my hand, sending mushy peas flying around the kitchen.
    It was then that I did something I never thought I was capable of; I slapped Claire across the face. She stopped crying long enough to stare at me in disbelief, before wailing louder than I've ever heard before.
    “Oh my God, Claire, I'm so, so sorry.” I begged, “Please forgive me. I don't know what happened!”
    I took her from the seat and held her close. Her left cheek was turning a bright shade of pink from where I had slapped her, and tears came to my eyes as I tried to get her to stop crying.
    “Shh, shh, shh,” I said in a whisper. “There's a good girl.”
    What the hell is wrong with me?
    As Claire's cries quietened down into whimpers, the only thing I could think of, was how thankful I was that she was too young to tell her parents about what I had done. Suddenly, I no longer felt remorse, only relief. I grabbed a kitchen towel, ran it under some cool water and placed it on her face in an attempt to relieve the redness. After a few minutes, Claire stopped crying and the redness on her face had begun to subside.
    I put the baby in her playpen with her toys, but she didn't want to play. The events of the early afternoon had turned her mood sour and as soon as I put her in, she began crying again.
    “Only an hour to go until Mum and Dad return,” I told her as I picked her up again, feeling my anger begin to rise. “Surely we can get along until then, yeah?”
    I carried her with me as I took a load of laundry from the dryer and placed the towels in the airing cupboard and the clothes in the closet. Then I worked my way to the kitchen to clean up the spilled food. Claire cried again as I placed her in her seat.
    Frustrated, I spat, “What is it now? What the fuck do you want?” Claire cried harder at my outburst.
    I filled her sippy cup with milk and slammed it down in front of her. She stopped crying and started drinking. After a few moments of blissful silence, I heard the front door open.
    “Anna?”
    “In here, Katie,” I yelled, wiping away Claire's tears.
    Katie walked in with a smile on her face. “There you are. Hi, baby!” She picked Claire up out of her seat and held her close, kissing the cheek I had slapped.
    “I guess it's time for me to head off,” I told Katie. “Give me a ring when you need me again. See you next time.”
    I grabbed my coat and hurried out the door before Katie could respond or started asking how our day had been. Since I only lived three blocks from the Brown's home, it didn't take me long to reach my front door, even on foot. I hurried inside, removed my coat and shoes and went to the fridge to grab a beer. Not usually in the mood for a drink, I thought it might help me sleep.
    I got home at a little after seven and by the time eight o'clock rolled around, I had had two beers and could barely keep my eyes open. It was time to go to bed.
    Finally, tonight I'll sleep.
    I didn't even bother undressing before climbing under the duvet. The longer I lay in bed, the more awake I became. After what seemed like hours, but was more like thirty minutes, my frustration grew to anger, and it wasn't long before I realised that sleep would once again elude me.
    I sat up in bed and turned on the bedside lamp. Grabbing a book, I began trying to read; another futile effort. All I