Free In All Places (Stripling Warrior) by Misty Moncur Page A

set the satchel aside. “And if it wasn’t you, it would be someone else.”
    He studied me, his brows knit together. Then he said with sudden realization, “It’s not Lamech. It’s Jarom.”
    I shrugged.
    “Ket urah.” His voice bore sympathy. “I think that might be worse on Zeke than if you loved me.”
    The way he said it was almost a question. Was it possible he did not know how I felt about him?
    “If I felt the way about Jarom I feel about you, maybe.”
    But he was right—it was bad. I wanted to hurt Jarom about as much as I wanted to hurt Zeke, and that was about as much as I wanted to chop off my hand with my axe.
    He nodded slowly.
    The sun was setting outside. The light inside the tent was soft and beautiful but getting dimmer.
    “What are you going to do?” he asked.
    I sighed and rubbed at my tired eyes. “Hurt someone.”
    “Kanina. ” Apology filled his tone. “I will not be the one to ask that of you—to ask you to go against something that was as good as done long ago.”
    Was it as good as done? Did I have a choice? Micah had said he would accept Gideon. But Gideon was too noble, too honorable. He was stepping down. Yielding.
    Or he was simply freeing himself so he could become Chief Captain of the Nephite armies.
    “I’m not the right man, Kanina.” He turned to look at me with the deepest regret in his black eyes. “Zeke is the one.”
    I closed my eyes and turned my face away. “That is not your choice to make.”
    His voice was resolute when he said, “I have made my choice.” He took ahold of my chin and turned my face back to his. He held my chin until I opened my eyes. Then he looked into my face and didn’t flinch from the pain he saw there. “Helaman has offered me a place in his personal guard after the wars are done, and I have accepted it.”
    I held his gaze, but I had never felt such a knot in my throat. “Then I accept it too.”
    I leaned up on my knees and kissed him lightly but with a growing desperation that embarrassed me and a finality that broke my heart. I lingered over his lips longer than I should have, my hands on his biceps, my thoughts going wild. I could not be without him. But he would not stay with me.
    In a sudden wash of heat, a balm soothed the rent between the pieces of my heart. A sweet feeling of love emanated from us and filled my tent. Was it telling me that what Gideon said was true, that he was not the right choice for me?
    Or was it telling me what my heart told me, that Gideon was the only choice for me? That loving him like this was a good thing?
    I thought of Gideon’s face the moment before Kenai and his men, sweaty from their long sprint, had reported the attack on Cumeni. He had just taken a bite of my warm corn cake. He had been grinning and telling me how grand Zarahemla was. He wanted to go there. The morning sun shone on his hair. I thought of the next moments, how the prisoners had thrown themselves upon the swords of their guards.
    At the time, I had thought how dishonorable it was for us to lose the prisoners we had charge of, to allow their escape. But Gideon had thought only how it freed us to go back to Cumeni and save our countrymen.
    Gideon was freeing me to go back and save my countryman, to do what had to be done, and he was essentially throwing himself upon the sword to do it.
    Gideon set me away from him and moved to leave the tent.
    I clutched his arm. “You would yield to your older brother?” I asked him quickly before he left.
    He didn’t turn to look at me again, but he answered, “Yes. And I will yield to Zeke.”
     

Chapter 7
     
    The next afternoon was overcast. We entered the land of Manti, and as we neared the city, we stayed close to the wilderness, circled, and prepared to set up camp in the trees.
    Seth and Enos and their hundreds fell out , and we camped in the rear near Teomner’s men.
    “Well,” said Reb surveying the city in the distance as he dropped his gear in the grass. “Don’t pound