Free In All Places (Stripling Warrior) by Misty Moncur

terrain didn’t even out. I took a breath. “And if you will not speak for me, Gideon, you can have no decision on who does.”
    I saw his eyes flash with temper, something he nearly always kept in check. Gideon did not let his emotions rule him.
    But h is voice was a hard growl when he said, “Keturah, do you not think my logic tells me to stay with you? To speak for you and claim you as my own beautiful, vivacious wife? Everything in me screams for me to do so!”
    My eyes shot to his at the sudden fierceness in his words.
    He sighed. Taking my hand in his, he gentled his voice. “Everything except for one still, small voice. The one voice I cannot ignore.”
    I had no breath. I did not want to have this conversation. Not with Gideon. Not then. Not ever.
    He got to his feet and paced away. “Just because you are not mine does not mean I enjoy the thought of you with another man,” he ground out. “Loving him and living your life with him.”
    I tried to make my voice strong when I spoke, but I didn’t succeed. “You can’t have it both ways.”
    “Neither can you,” he shot back, but then he said, “Oh, Kanina,” and he pu t both hands into his hair. “I just want to keep you with me for as long as possible. I’m jealous and selfish, and I’m sorry.”
    I didn’t say anything for several minutes, though I knew what must be said. Finally I took in a shallow, shaky breath and stood. He came to me, and I went into his arms.
    “I won’t keep you from your duty,” I said. My voice was muffled in his chest and my tears wet his tunic.
    “I know,” he sighed. “That is the thing I love most about you. I could never love a girl who did not have your fierce warrior spirit.”
    I didn’t have a response to his beautiful confession.
    “You know, it’s funny, ” he said after a time. “I’d rather you married Lamech than Zeke.”
    I drew back and looked up into his face.
    “It’s your love for Zeke that pains me. I saw the way you looked at him, on the battlefield, when he was wounded.”
    “You don’t want me to be with someone I love?”
    He smiled ruefully and shook his head. “It’s hard to explain.”
    But I understood, except it wasn’t the thought of Gideon falling in love with another girl that I dreaded. He would simply not allow it of himself. It was the thought of Zeke falling in love with another girl that kept me awake nights. Despite his loyalty to me, he was smart and self-preserving, and I feared he would realize at last how different I was from what he truly wanted and give up on me entirely.
    I couldn’t change who I was, not even for Zeke. Perhaps God could change me, a small voice whispered in my heart, but another voice whispered that I shouldn’t have to change.
    When my ankle was wrapped, Gideon carried me back toward camp. Halfway back I pointed to my walking stick where it had clattered to the ground, and he lowered me so I could pick it up, but he continued to carry me. When we reached camp he knelt and placed me inside my tent. He looked at me plaintively for a moment and then cast a glance at the other boys in camp. They seemed to be ignoring us, so he crawled into the tent after me. I moved to make room for him.
    Tender moments did not come easily for Gideon, but when we were inside the tent, the tenor of his voice changed, as if perhaps he had rehearsed the words many times inside his head. Maybe I had known there was something he wanted to say and hadn’t yet said. Maybe I had known it at the river. Maybe that was why I had turned our conversation to his brothers.
    “You don’t know how many times I’ve wished I had not tracked you that first day. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be in this situation with Zeke. It has caused you much heartache.” He took a breath. “I have caused you much heartache.”
    I hated that he thought so and that he felt guilt for it.
    “My situation with Zeke is not your fault,” I said as I pulled the strap of my satchel over my head. I