Free Dissolution (Breach #1.5) by K.I. Lynn

DISSOLUTION
     

     
    My chest clenched, and I rubbed the spot with firm pressure. A familiar pain was flooding in, and once again it was all my fault.
    The doors to the elevator closed in front of me, the number twelve disappearing before my eyes , leaving me to stare at my own lifeless reflection. The weight of my decision hovered above me, poised for the right moment to crash down.
    I saw her long before I ever met her; Lila, my cohort in crime at work and at home. Across a sea of asphalt and cars, was where I caught my first glimpse of the woman who would do the impossible and awaken a long dead part of me.
    She was unassuming, skittish even , captivating me with the way she walked. There was nothing particularly special about it; maybe it was just the way the light reflected in her natural blonde hair. Whatever it was, my eyes were glued to her. She became more intriguing when her demeanor changed, as two men approached; her body rigid, pace slowed, and eyes down. It was subtle, not many would notice, but I did.
    The caged beast inside me also noticed and pulled at his chains, growling. He didn’t like that they made her feel that way. I was about to go to her, launch myself at her, the beast wanting the strange siren, when a hand clamped down on my shoulder and pulled me back to reality.
    I shouldn’t have taken the job when Jack offered it to me. In fact, the only reason I did was to have something to ke ep me busy, keep my mind off everything. To keep the days passing as I waited to die.
    Every day was the same; a spiral down to hell. I knew my family was waiting for the call that I’d offed myself. I’d been tempted, hundreds of times, but I never went through with it.
    I wished I had. Better to destroy myself, and not take her with me.
    The throbbing behind my ribs was damn near crippling and made my legs shaky, as I tried to brace myself in the elevator while it moved. No one would ever find out the level of asshole I’d achieved.
    I’ d done it. Done what I thought I couldn’t.
    I left her…t he one good thing I had in my purgatory.
    So, why did it hurt so bad that my eyes stung? I could barely breathe or think. Shouldn’t I have been proud I finally found the inner strength to do what was best for her?
    I blinked and swallowed, but the lump of shame in my throat wouldn’t budge.
    It was a necessary separation. I couldn’t keep hurting her, and that night I physically hurt her.
    She deserved more, so much more than me; a n angry, depressed, broken man. I couldn’t give her what she needed—love. So, I did what I had asked her to do.
    I left.
    Once more my eyes stung like a son of a bitch, but there was no room for tears. I didn’t deserve them.
    Visions of her collapsed and passed out after I lost control and took her, assaulted me. It’d been too much, too rough. I begged her to leave, told her I couldn’t control it. Not today.
    Today was the day it all r esurfaced. The pain, the agony… my wife .
    The life, the love, and the family that was taken from me.
    The last time I saw her surfaced. Her eyes open; staring, blank, void, empty…dead.
    The medically induced coma they placed me in kept me from even saying goodbye. I was unable to attend her funeral.
    The elevator signaled that I reached my floor, and I was left with heavy steps as I walked out and down the hall. I entered my condo after having deposited Lila back into hers, leaving her.
    I shut the door behind me, leaning on it as it clicked closed. All of my belongings I’d retrieved from her place dropped to the ground, landing on the tile floor below.
    My hands moved to my hair, tuggin g and pulling on it as the air around me became suffocating. I felt something digging into my palm and released my grip to find out what it was.
    I opened my hand and in it rested a jagged piece of metal.
    Her key…the key to my place. I took it from her key ring and returned the one she’d given me.
    T he weight was becoming too much, almost crippling.