Free A Journal of Sin by Darryl Donaghue

the search too, right?’
    ‘Yeah. I don’t know why I went. I’m not speaking ill of someone who may be, you know, but I never liked him much.’
    ‘He’s not dead; he’ll turn up. I hear missing people tend to return within twenty-four hours. I know what you mean though.’
    ‘About talking ill of the dead or not liking him much?’
    ‘A little of both.’
    ‘Really? I’d have picked you as the churchgoing type.’
    ‘Hardly. I got married in a church. We used to go as a family, every Sunday, but after, after we weren’t a family anymore, I dropped the habit.’ He looked through his glass. Talking about it never got easier. As much as he hated it, he always brought it up first. Something about mentioning it before he was asked made him feel a little better. Mentioning the divorce cut all the small talk out, and when he mentioned that he worked with computers, it promptly ended.
    ‘Great, I pick the guy who starts on about his divorce within the first few minutes.’
    ‘Sorry.’
    ‘It was a joke, hun. A joke? Lighten up.’ She pushed him. He enjoyed the touch, even if it was through two layers of clothing. ‘I’ve been there myself; I know what it’s like.’
    ‘So, what’s your problem with Michael?’
    ‘I just gave you a hint. He frowned upon my divorce, amongst other things, and wasn’t shy in telling me about it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not wishing him dead or anything, I’m just not going to cry myself to sleep about it, that’s all. And you?’
    ‘And I want another drink.’ The landlord was clearing tables on the other side of the pub. ‘When I came back, back from the city after the divorce, I spoke to him. I had questions that needed answering. He said everything was confidential, couldn’t tell me what I wanted to know. Asked if I still went to church and, when I told him I’d stopped, all he did was tell me to come back. I knew I was done with all that, but I kept going to see him anyway. There’s something comforting about it, that someone just cares, cares for caring’s sake. We talked about the divorce, Jenny, Josh - that’s my son - and it was nice for a while.’
    ‘A little like free therapy?’
    ‘A little like free therapy.’ He smiled. ‘After a while, I felt like I’d been taken in. Like I’d needed consoling so badly, I started to believe the things he said.’ She had a way of putting him at ease, an ease he hadn’t felt around a woman in a long time. He couldn’t relax around Jenny for at least the first year, always thinking she was too good for him and expecting to come home to her standing in the corridor with her bags packed. Suzanne’s dancing fingers on the crook of his elbow sent tingles through his arm.
    ‘So, what did you ask him that was so confidential?’
    ‘Things about this and that.’
    ‘Fine.’ She crossed her arms and pursed her bottom lip in the cutest way, like a kid without a lollipop at a sweets-on-a-stick convention. ‘It doesn’t matter now though, right? Divorce is common. It’s life’s way of telling you things just aren’t right and you need to go looking for your true happiness.’ She meant well, but sounded like one of those pop psychology guides found on the far corner of the academic shelf in Waterstones, the ones titled Every end is a new start or Find your happiness now: I did with a picture of a tanned, suited-up American on the cover, complete with a cheesy grin and a face you wouldn’t let near your kids.
    ‘Nah, all women are the same. They lie until they get their money, then they take it and run,’ he said, with a perfectly straight face, leaving her in doubt whether he was teasing, being deadly serious or letting the booze do the talking. Jenny hadn’t asked for any money, just custody of their son.
    ‘Oh come on now, you just haven’t met the right one.’ Page fifty-six of Master your mind, enrich your relationships, about a third of the page down. ‘Either way, divorce is tough.’
    ‘Yes