Kikiâs first smiles, first steps, first words. I wasnât his dad, but I was the closest thing heâd have to one.
Christmas in juvie was the shittiest time of year. The littleplastic tree in the cafeteria made us all feel worse. The only good thing was that White Chris and I had been inspired to write a rap called âWhite Chris-mas,â about a guy who broke out of juvie on Christmas Eve, then set the place on fire. It was going to be our first single, and hopefully it would blow up.
Mom made French toast, our Christmas tradition. She used thick Texas toast and sprinkled it with cinnamon and icing sugar. Kiki made a mess of himself, getting food all over his face and hair, but that was part of the fun. When Kiki was done eating, he reached out to me with powdery hands, and even though I knew it would get my shirt dirty, I lifted him out of his booster seat. We went to the sink and washed up, then got down on the floor again to play with his new toys.
That afternoon, Jessica stopped by. When I opened the door, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I mightâve enjoyed it if Mom and Tasha werenât watching. Theyâd already met Jessica a few times, but I still wasnât comfortable with them all in the same room.
âJessi!â Kiki ran to her, and she scooped him up. He nuzzled her neck and started playing with her hair like a new toy. Heâd been hooked on her instantly, and I couldnât blame him. She looked good, smelled good, and gave lots of hugs.
âEasy, Kiki, youâre messing up her hair,â I said.
âItâs okay,â Jessica said. âYouâll have to help me brush it, right, Kiki?â
âBrush, brush!â He smoothed her hair.
We all laughed. I loved seeing Jessica with Kiki, seeing how good she treated him.
âHave you eaten, Jessica?â Mom asked. âI made a ton of French toast this morning.â
âThanks, but Iâm stuffed.â Jessica put a hand over her stomach. âWe just had brunch. And Iâll be expected to eat again in a few hours.â
âYouâre probably thirsty, then,â Mom said, and Jessica agreed to some juice. Mom obviously wanted to impress her. She saw how sophisticated Jessica was, and I could tell she was proud that I was with her. Tasha just looked bored. No one I could bring home would ever impress her, because sheâd wonder what they saw in me.
Jessica took a present from her bag. âI have a gift for you.â
Kikiâs eyes lit up. âToys!â
She helped him with the shiny red wrapping paper, revealing a package of fifteen Matchbox cars. Kiki squealed and struggled to tear the package open until Mom intervened with scissors.
As Kiki played with his cars, my mom chatted with Jessica. More like, Mom pelted her with questions, some of them too personal.
âSo, Jessica, Darren hasnât told me much about your family. What do your parents do?â
I wanted to throw one of Kikiâs cars at her. Mom was all about status, and she was way too obvious about it.
âMy momâs a personal support worker, and sheâs going to night school for social work. Dadâs the executive chef at Luigiâs.â
âWow. Executive chef.â Mom was really impressed. âYou must eat well at your place.â
âWell, when heâs home, the last thing he wants to do is cook. My mom does most of it. Sheâs pretty good, though.â
Momâs questions went on, but Jessica answered cheerfully. It was a relief when Kiki went for his nap and Jessica and I finally got the chance to be alone. In my bedroom, we put on some music.
âSorry about my mom,â I said, lying down on the bed. âShe doesnât know when to quit.â
Jessica cuddled in to me. âShe wants to make sure Iâm good enough for her son.â
âNah, sheâs just trying to figure out why youâre bothering with