Free Ivy and Bean Bound to Be Bad by Annie Barrows

A PAIN IN THE KAZOO
    Check. Bean’s mom was reading the paper.
    Check. Bean’s dad was reading the paper.
    Check. Nancy was reading the funnies.
    Bean picked up her plate and licked the streaks of leftover syrup.
    “Bean’s licking her plate,” said Nancy.
    “Stop it, Bean,” said Bean’s mom without even looking up from the paper.
    Bean sat on her hands and stared at her plate with her lips shut tight. Then, suddenly, her tongue shot out of her mouth and her head swooped down to her plate. “I can’t help it,” she said, licking. “There’s a magnetic force pulling my tongue out of my mouth.”
    Bean’s family looked at her like she was a bug. An ugly bug.
    “That’s disgusting,” said Nancy.
    “Bean, please . . .” said her mother.
    “Cut it out,” said her father.

    “I can’t!” slurped Bean. “The force is too strong!”
    Her father took her plate away. Bean slumped against the back of her chair. “Thanks, dude. I owe you one.”
    “Don’t call me dude,” said her dad. “Go do the dishes.”
    “What?! It’s Nancy’s turn!” yelped Bean.
    “It was Nancy’s turn until you licked your plate. Now it’s your turn,” said her dad.
    “That’s totally unfair!” huffed Bean. “I couldn’t help it! Haven’t you ever heard of forces beyond your control?”
    “Yes, I have,” said her father. “Forces beyond your control are going to make you do the dishes.”
    “What am I, Cinderbean?” Bean said. “What about my rights?”
    Slowly her dad lowered his newspaper and looked at her. “Think about whether you’re making a good choice or a bad choice, Bean.”
    There was a pause.
    “I guess I’ll go do the dishes.” Bean clomped into the kitchen.

    “Bean, you didn’t see my pink yarn, did you?”
    Oops. Bean tried to roll behind the couch, but Nancy saw her.
    “Bean! Do you have my pink yarn?”

    “No,” said Bean. That was true. She didn’t have it. She would never have it again.
    Nancy looked at her, slitty-eyed. “Do you know where it is?”
    “No.” Who knew where it was by now?
    Nancy’s eyes got even slittier. “Have you seen it recently?”
    “Recently?”
    “Mom! Bean took my yarn!”
    Before she knew it, Bean was having to look around her room for her money. (She changed hiding places so often that it was hard to remember where she kept it, exactly.) She had to give Nancy seven dollars to buy new yarn. Seven dollars! Now she only had two dollars and some coins left.
    And the yarn hadn’t even worked. Bean had fallen out of the tree anyway.

    Bean’s mom was under her desk. She was doing something with wires, and Bean couldtell she wasn’t having much fun because she kept saying, “Oh, for crying out loud!” and “Gee-Zoo Pete!”
    “Hi, Mom,” said Bean into the crack between the desk and the wall.
    “Oh. Hi,” said her mom. “Hold on to this cord a sec, will you?” She shoved a black wire up through the crack.
    Bean didn’t take it. “Only if you pay me.”
    “What?”
    “Only if you pay me.”
    There was a silence. Then Bean’s mom began to back out from under her desk.
    Bean started to have a bad feeling. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “I’ll hold the cord for free.”
    But now her mom was all the way out. Now she was standing. Now she was glaring. “Did I hear you say that you would help me only if I paid you?” she asked.

    “It was a joke,” said Bean. “Just kidding. Ha.”
    Her mom was still glaring. “What do you think I’m thinking, Bean?”
    Bean sighed. “I think you’re thinking I’m a pain in the kazoo.”
    “Right. So what might be a good thing for you to do?”
    Bean thought. “Eat only bread and water for a week?”
    “Try again,” said her mom.
    “Give you and Daddy and Nancy each a big wet kiss?”
    Her mother coughed. “Maybe later. Try again.”
    “Go outside and play?”
    “Bingo.”

TOUGH COOKIES
    Bean flopped down on her front steps. Yikes. Even though it was still morning, the wood was already hot